#he like meditates a little bit before this. idk i feel like those are his vibes

[non-un-topo]

Forever gonna milk the headcanon that Nicky is a sniper because Quynh saw his potential and taught him how.

[ravers8fantasy]

Sick day headcanons for the silliest most goober boxers ever? I’m not talking deathly ill but like a bad enough cold that causes them to change their whole day because of it.

-Elias

Anotha sick one lets gooo!! Apologies for any typos or mistakes in the later half of these, it got pretty late at night when I finished this😭😭

Boxers breaking it down, mild viral infection edition:

Glass Joe

Hates it when he get's sick, because whenever he does he genuinly thinks he will pass away even if its just a little cold

He does kinda enjoy sick days (despite feeling like shit) It gives him an excuse to relax on his sofa with a baguette and hot cup of coffee, he might even feel a lil cheeky and help himself to a cig who knows

Von Kaiser:

He is very strict about his routine so he absolutely HATES sickdays because it means he actually has to rest, was also raised to believe that 'colds arent real' so that explains why bless him

tried to get up to clean, but got a massive head ache and accidentally took a huge nap on his kitchen floor. When he woke up he was PISSED.

Disco Kid

Hates sick days because he hates having a blocked nose 24/7, whenever he tries dance he has to take breaks because his nose gets so stuffy. Also hates having to cancel on people which makes him feel worse.

Probably would go on a walk for some fresh air with some music at some poiny before going to rest by chilling on his sofa with a duvet. He binge watches those really dramatic reality TV shows.

King hippo:

Has quite a good immune system but when he gets sick its like the end of the world to him even though its just a little cold.

Munches on EVERYTHING because he gets weak, its like he gets munchies but x10 and its all from having a mild cold😭

Piston Hondo:

Since bro's training is rigourous I think he gets sick pretty often due to over exertion, so he takes it slow when he has to change routine

If he gets so sick to the point where he has to change his routine, he will probably spend the day by mediating or eating good soup

Bear Hugger:

Has the strongest immune system because he literally lives with a wild beae and squirell in the middle of no where. But of course that doesnt mean he is safe from a lil cold

If he cant do anything else in his routine he will just sleep until he gets better, he will literally hibernate like a bear for days

Great tiger:

If he gets sick to the point where he has to cancel everything, you KNOW he is getting up to some silly things in his free time

Got bored so he put up a tent in the middle of his living room and pretended he was camping since he couldnt properly teleport. He uses it as a decoration now since he cant be asked putting it back

Don flamenco:

Hates being sick but at least Carmen is there to make him feel abit better since they are long distance. Like Disco he would force himself to go get some fresh air, it also makes up for his cancelled training sessions.

He sits around watching spanish operas and cries. I think he has idk hightened emotional vunerability when sick or smth💀

Aran ryan:

tries to raw dog it, (im talking about the cold ok.) bro doesnt believe colds are real and thinks it will go away on its own eventually. He ends up making it worser usually.

I think he would be one of those people who get energetic bursts when they are sick, so his routine for the day involves him switching from going apeshit to sleeping.

soda popinski:

Lets be real, as soon as he realises he is sick to the point of having to cancel anything bro is grabbing the bottle with HASTE

Honestly im not sure what Soda would do if he was sick💀 he might just do some pull ups, drink, rest repeat

Bald bull:

Unlike Kaiser, Bull manages to pull of his usual routine by doing it in little bits during the day instead of rushing through it (obviously excluding the gym)

Once done with the broken down ver of his routine I think he might try some meditating since he is away from paparazzi and finally has some quiet

Super macho man:

Well, he definitely still posts his daily thirst traps life updates for his 'fans' to ler them know how he is doing, in this case its like "bros the grinds on halt im mega sick rn so not cool"

Fakes online that he is still doing his regular routine and pushing through the mild af cold, when in reality he is either redoing his fake tan or reblowing his nose every 5 mins

Sandman

The only boxer who properly changes his routine to balance both gym and rest, spends around 2 hours doing light exercise and rests for the rest of the day.

Sleeps. bro takes the most luxurious naps, also he might do some reading just to pass time quietly.

*:..｡o♬*:..｡o♬*:..｡o♬*:..｡o♬*`..｡o♬*:..｡o♬*:..o♬*

okok thats all!! Hope you enjoyed!!

[beanghostprincess]

Trans buggy is my lifeblood and I am SO HAPPY YOU LOVE HER TOO and I'm feral I'm shaking the bars of my cage FUCK I LOVE WOMEN

Like. Yes. Absolutely, Shanks and Buggy have little bits and pieces of ALL their parents, specifically Ray and Roger but No Adult Was Safe From Their Assimilated Found Family, Alright?

Shanks does this one movement when he's showing off and being SILLY about it that he picked up from Oden. Buggy uses chopsticks more easily than forks and spoons, which is mind boggling to those who know her and how clutzy she is.

Crocus was the KING of unexpected and frankly terrifying threats, something Buggy learned like a damned religion. Shanks got his penchant for Gay Uncle On Holiday clothes and patterns from him.

A lot of Shanks' attacks and swordplay was taught to him by Roger and Rayleigh, so his style is a mix of their own with a TWIST that's all him. Buggy wasn't as interested in swordsmanship, but she certainly isn't a novice at it. The forms and katas to her are meditative, and she can't really sit still for normal meditation ((AuDHD Buggy my beloved)) so THIS is her way of grounding. Her knife fighting is also derived from Ray's style, with quick, devasting blow that focus more on backlash damage, Haki and agility.

Buggy and Shanks both have Roger's grin, and when Rayleigh sees them, grown and side by side and beaming and greeting him so warmly, part of him breaks and heals and splinters and oozes love. He of course will not show weakness and instead teases them, as is his love language.

Also consider Cross Guild adopting the Seraphims. Stuff's normal at first until they give the kids some children's books. Cue "what is a dad? What is a mom?" questions. The adults answer them, and the kids simply nod before wandering off again.

Then, a few hours later, Buggy feels a tiny hand tug-tug at her pants. It's two little dark haired tykes, big saffron and violet eyes staring up at her. She blinks. "What's up, munchkins?"

"Mother, we want a snack and fathers are busy."

"Oh. Yeah, sure thing, sweeties, let me ju- WAITWHAT-?!"

Shanks is frothing, seething, crying in the window like a Victorian woman betrayed when he gets word that Buggy and the other two have "sons". He then proposes they have a baby too, to be fair.

Then the kids call him uncle or father twice removed and he is suddenly living his best life wdym he's gonna be the BEST uncle ever, hey kids wanna go harass people-?

Buggy is BEYOND flustered but she's also.... really flattered? Shanks wants a baby? With HER?? Like a real, whole ass baby. Wow. And she already has two sons! Maybe. Her little Birdie seems a tad unphased by the concept of gender anyway, so she won't push. She has two kids. And Shanks wants a third. Wow. Wow~ ♡

And then Crocodile has to go and ruin it by suggesting the kids stay with "auntie Al" for the weekend, while the guys see if they can get that baby idea rolling~

Buggy proceeds to blush so hard she's STEAMING and promptly faints.

I FUCKING LOVE WOMEN TOO!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAMING THIS EVERYWHERE I GO!!!!!!!!!

Both of them having traits of all their parents and role models and keeping them with them forever,, When Rayleigh sees them again he's so fond of their little gestures and :(( He loves them so so much.

Also, the whole thing about Cross Guild adopting the Seraphims is just so so cute. And them calling Buggy 'mom'??????? Crying and sobbing, idk. Cute family that is not dysfunctional but pretty much not normal my beloved.

Honestly, Buggy as a mom just feels so right. But especially as an adoptive mom, you know? She just keeps seeing outcasts and understanding them so well and wanting to take care of them. Tbh, Shanks and Buggy should just,, Find a kid in a treasure chest and keep the baby.

[the-suns-temple]

Hi! Lemme label myself as the 🐢 anon because i will be sending more asks in the future!!..

I hope it's okay to ask, but how did you know that your divine spouse was "reaching out to you" that way? In a romantic sense?

Because i feel like there was a deity (i won't name them as IDK if they want to be named..) that i worked with, and in my 6 years of practice... I have never experienced what happened those few days and nights of working with them.

I always felt like they cared about me A LOT. And i was flattered for that. I appreciated their help a lot in our workings. But one day, I don't know how to explain it, but i felt them brush their hand on my face, on my cheek. I could tell something was off, as it felt.. different than a simple itchiness on the face. I felt their presence.. Then a day later or so, i was in my bed and i could feel their presence, hugging me from behind.

I know how crazy and fanatic i sound right now. I apologize if this is inappropriate to ask! And unrelated to your account topic. But this has been going on in my head for weeks and i would really appreciate ANY insight. As i have never been courted or even considered being courted by an entity.

Thank you for hearing me out! And i am sorry if i seem like a weirdo rn!

-🐢anon

Hello! Apologies for taking so long to get back to you, but thank you for asking your question.

Firstly, I would suggest an air of caution and skepticism when it comes to feeling energies. Theoi energy is a very specific kind of energy and cannot be easily replicated by trickster spirits or mischievous entities, but it is still worth practicing caution. If you want to confirm that it was this deity (if you have not already), ask them a few vetting questions before you ask if it was them who was touching you and hugging you. Of course, you know their energy better than I do, but it never hurts to be a little bit careful.

Secondly, I knew Lord Apollo was reaching out in a romantic sense because, simply put, he is very blunt. I meditated with him, and while I do not remember now what he said, he did say something rather blunt about how he wanted to progress our relationship from mentor and student to something more. And I left the meditation feeling giddy and excited. So, I did a tarot reading asking him to confirm what he meant after doing more research on Godspousing and what it entailed.

Research, in situations like this, is your best friend. Doing research on things like Godspousals, and also looking into how this deity treated their partners in the past, perhaps in mythology, or if they do have a life partner you could look into how they treat them, to get a better understanding of how this deity may express love. Lord Apollo is very gentle with me. He adores accompanying me outside, under the sun, playing a sport, or simply relaxing. He is very touchy at times. He loves to give compliments and send me signs showing he is watching. Just this weekend, a bee landed on my hand when I was getting into my friend's car to go watch the sunset on the beach.

Let the deity bring the idea to you. Or, if you feel they have been doing this via signs, ask them if this is what they are trying to suggest to you. And if it is, give it some thought. Do not run into an answer. Think on it. Let the confirmation process and decide from there.

Best of luck on your journey, and I am sending you nothing but positive energy.

Best wishes, and Blessed Be, from Rafael.

Khaire.

[weirdcat1213]

trigun bookclub time :D volume 2 thoughts

chap 00.1

-vash's method of meditation is the only one that's valid in my eyes/j

-3 seconds of meditating vs 3 hours of training...huh...i wonder...why is that...and what...that says about him...

-hes bad at chess hes like me fr fr

-yey we love a day without casualties :D

chap 00.2

-the bit about us taking shelter on technology but still not knowing what the future holds...yeah that feels timeless now huh

-vash don't go there! oh no he has earbuds he cant hear me (that would literally happen to me tho)

-i love that panel where no one says anything after the girl is like "yeah i can give you pocket money." nice representation of the irritation people feel towards that kind of people. they arent mad just really tired of that bs

-oh man thats actually pretty horrible (page 23)

-"and i think of nothing but love and peace" besides that we know your head is empty but we love you so its ok

-yeah vash show her the real world

-interesting that he makes her see the chance of her dad dying (he didnt know what was gonna happen) which makes sense cuz she cant run from the truth anymore but its also interesting cuz if we was able to not see it he would. he hates seeing people dying and yet he watches and makes others watch. i dont think its about "if i have to, you have to as well" but more about her seeing the consequences of violence (what her father did) and the cycle of hate so she doesnt repeat it. idk.

chap 1

-rem coming out of his coat....hm....

-weird man coming

-YEAH SEND HIM TO HELL >:D

-if rem is holding him back you say...hmmm...i will go back to that later

-well thats creepy

chap 2

-my boi is in jail nooooooooooooo

-you can feel the size of the ship with one panel nightow is ridiculously talented when creating big spaces, like the sandsteamer shot in the last volume

-..... :c

-my babygirl :c

-i like he started the flashback angry as hell and then it turned into sadness cuz even if he makes knives pay nothing will bring rem back

-also the literal ship crashing into his memories what if I [redacted]

-SEE LOOK AT THAT SHIT! SPACE FEELS MASSIVE AND ITS LITERALLY JUST THE PLANET AND THE SHIP

-aaaand hes angry as hell again cuz the memory finished with knives. interesting

-dont look at me with those kind eyes, we saw you

-YEY ITS DIABLO TIME :D go get em

chap 3

-aw cmon :c

-and there goes the arm

-hey >:[ dont call my girl milly an idiot

-ugh you can feel how fucking stressed out he is ahhhhhhhhh

-ah yes, we love seeing how right knives is...

-huh, i wonder if knives is smiling cuz before he was like "nah she was stupid like the rest" but since she got to correct the ships's trajectory he got a bit of respect for her in the end

-is monev vs vash supposed to be like david and goliath? hm

-my god thats fucking beautiful

-also i dont think thats a ghost but maybe like her presence? like vash is remembering her and her kindness

-AH I HATE THAT I HATE THAT. THE CHAPTER IS CALLED FRAGILE, ENDS UP WITH VASH CRYING AND THE "rem" IS SO LITTLE THAT IS ONLY MEANT FOR US AND VASH TO BE AWARE OF IT WHAT IF I CRIED A RIVER AHHHHHH

chap 4

-oh meryl...oh honey...sweetie...

-the scars appear :D yey :D

-meryl is kinda asking him "arent you tired of being nice dont you want to go apeshit" but not really and i like that

-yknow what meryl is right pls go away and live a quiet life pls, ik whats coming but just thinking about it....

-yee ik the reason why but still >:v

-oh....oh i actually forgot about that...oh

-"rem didnt sacrifice her life for a world like that" im tearing up actually and idk why...its been a hard week

-lmao hes so mad at vash

-yeah hunt him down babygirl >:D

chap 5

-....metal >:D

-they deserved it btw

-huh thats actually kinda nice of him i forgot

-ofc he would blame vash for that, then again vash makes all of us at least a little bit soft i think

chap 6

-i love you vash that takes his sweet time to process traumatic situations, yes that was scary

-vash saying "im the deathwish" means a lot to me as an mcr fan lmao. i will think more about that later tho

-HES HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-YES YOU ARE A PRIEST OMG WHY AM I THIS EXCITED

-THEY MEET, OMG THEY ARE MEETING! AMAZING!

-STOP BLUSHING BRO LIKE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING HIS CHIN LIKE THAT YO

-"go home or go to hell" oh im getting that on a tattoo one day actually, so metal

-...cmon, me me big boi

-THAT SMILE, THAT DAMN SMILE im gonna jump off my local cliff

-vash in the beginning saying he can read people and then wolfwood comes and READS HIM LIKE ITS NOTHING

chap 7

-"is that a friend of yours" he looks so offended lmao

-ahhhh that must be so scary, he already has knives to worry about but the fact not everyone can see legato makes his job harder ahhhhh

-bye baby ily (hes my son that i only share with a couple of other ww enjoyers)

-CAN YOU STOP BEING GAY FOR 2 MINUTES

-OH THAT PANEL IS SO GOOD (also even more princess coded, like looking at really from a castle idk)

-GUYS GUYS MY WIFE IS HERE

-i keep forgetting hes missing his little arm :c

-lmao wolfwood is right, i wouldnt go to a church all the way there :b

-yeah and shes hot while teleporting all over the place

-ok but shes really fucking cool, despite wanting to kill my comfort character, yknow how these things go

-OHOHOHOO THAT PANEL WITH VASH FOCUSING IS AMAZING

-YESSSSS, SO METALLLLL

chap 8

-aaaand...there goes my wife

-ahhhhhh he looks so little :c

-OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HES COMING, HES NEAR

-idk ww :c idk when will it end

-OH WOW OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

-yeah right i dont like this part :b (its not bad just personal stuff)

-ok he do be looking pretty tho, i wonder if its a family thing

-YEAH MERYL SMACK THAT MF

-im a ball of rugged paper and my feelings are nothing...thanks nightow ily

-oh wait...he actually thought that was the end...thats so fucking smart nightow...wow i never considered that....

-aw babygirl :c but i cant even imagine how that must feel, how much hate he feels towards knives rn

-i think besides the "he called me by my name" meryl and milly let him go cuz they just felt he was going to matter what, like you can feel vash and his unstoppable energy on those pages

-oh hes so fucking pretty

-WAIT I NEVER NOTICED THAT BUT YEAH THAT WAS ON STAMPEDE EP 3 HOLY FUCK, THEY SAID THE SAME THING

-knives just fucking reads vash like an open book its incredible and it makes me so sad cuz vash cant escape, he cant hide nothing, not in front of knives

-he cant be knives without the good old gaslighting >:D

-the yelling throughout the page is amazing

-vash is crying noooooooooooooooo :c

-NO. STAY AWAY FROM ME, EVIL PANEL THAT HAUNTS MY DREAMS

-also :c

-im not too sure of what happened with his legs but ok sure

-im afraid my babygirl cant give you an answer ww, i dont think he knows

-.....why is the world so mean to him :c

[foxgloveinspace]

wow those are really interesting! The smell one almost reminds me of synesthesia, or a olfactory hallucination. For the first one, like a signal in the brain getting tied to a different signal. a floral smell for them sounds so sweet. they feel comforting to me like floral.

the vessel figure is wild. the fact that you saw a hooded figure with his mouth exposed. I know there's kinda archetypal figures people tend to see in various brain things, like dreams, or drug trips, or I'd expect its the same with migraine auras. A general cloaked figure sounds universal enough, but one with a mouth exposed is so specific.

it's SO interesting that you mention ADHD though because almost every single Sleep Token fan I've talked to is neurodivergent or could plausibly be. Specifically autism or ADHD. Could just be that we all hyperfixate, and that makes us superfans of things we love. But idk it feels special, like we're drawn to it. I have ADHD myself.

another commonality is sleep problems, odly enough. and finding Sleep Token calming and helping one sleep.

For my opinion on witchy stuff, I'm not an expert or anything I know little bits. Like how their logo is a combination of Germanic runes that invoke certain things. There was an old since deleted post by then about it, so it's basically confirmed. Or I heard that the runes corresponding to the Sundowning songs could theoretically be invoked every time the song is played.

also the music just feels magical??

Every person seems to have a different interpretation of the lore and the overarching story, if there is any. Many of them seem to be about love or romance in some way.

My pet headcannon/theory is that Vessel is looking for his soulmate who he knew in a past life. and the runes and any magic is for that purpose.

(First Ask)!!!!!!! Yes!!

Ok I agree with like a lot of your points in this ask, just to say that off the bat, but it’s me so I’m gonna get into it lmao:

So the thing is, I Do Actually have synesthesia, But I Do Not Have Smell/Sound, I have texture/Taste!! So that’s the weird thing about it! It is actually pretty comforting?? I’m trying to figure out what scent it actually, cause it’s just really nice. It might be a perfume that I’ve smelled in the past and started associating it with them (in which cause I think it might be floral marshmallow which is a dupe for some high end perfume). But like I said if it’s ends up being forget-me-nots (which I don’t think so) I’m gonna freak out. But they have a very light scent and I can’t find them anywhere😵‍💫

That’s the weird thing about all of it tho, is that it very well could be all of the things that I have already (migraines, adhd, synesthesia) but it’s like it’s different symptoms that I’ve Never had before??

Like the hooded figure wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but I never see figures!! I only see green and purple flashing splotches, even in my Worst Migraine I’ve Ever had, where I completely Lost My Vision, I only say neon purple and green. So too see, specifically, Hooded Man With Mouth, while listening to The Summoning?? Weird.

And yeah, I have adhd, and honestly?? Yeah. I think it is all of us nero-spicy gals and bois finding a band that itches the static in our brains, lol. They really combine a lot of nerodivergent peoples favorite genres, metal, dark techno/house, lo-fi, piano, rap and sometimes even something that sounds jazzy. It’s legit like they took every music thing I love and shoved it into one, of course my/all of our adhd brains is gonna eat that shit up lmao. It feels really special tho.

Also, yeah I have hella sleeping issues, but I have yet to let myself listen to them while going to sleep (mostly cause I know once I start I won’t be able to go back) BUT!! I have never been a person who can meditate, and I was able to while listening to them!! So that’s a thing lol.

I’m not a big expert on ruins either, but I know most witchcraft is putting your intentions in something. So if he put heavy intentions into the ruins when he first drew them, then yeah it’s doing something. I did vaguely know something about the main logo/ruin, but not much. (I actually don’t know What it’s supposed to invoke?? Just thinking about Sleep/Sleep Token?? Lol) but I think it’s Really Cool that they use real runes sometimes, cause even if they aren’t for magic purposes, just aesthetics, they are still using an old language for something new and I always like stuff like that lmao.

And I love your little headcanon at the end that’s so sweet.

[overturetoanadventure]

Yesterday I kayaked at a state park that was a four hour drive, one way, with some friends to celebrate my upcoming birthday. The space was so so so beautiful. It felt really nice to see different friends get along well! Our music tastes didn’t align as a group but we made it work (and I think all four of us are a bit too polite (there’s a better word but not wanting to think hard rn) and after garnering reactions from the first run of songs, we started asking to skip stuff that was already created by the Spotify blend lol). While on the river, we came across a mom and her daughter; the daughter got lots of anxiety halfway into the trip as they floated along. The mom asked us if we know how much longer it would be for them to reach the next drop off point and how they could arrive quicker. I was on a tandem kayak with one of the friends and we offered to tie the rope connecting their tubes together to the back of our kayak. They then joined us for the remainder of the kayak trip. It felt so nice to be able to help them!! Then, after we returned our paddles and vests, we changed and we’re eating snacks while gathered around the trunk. There was a lady who parked next to us that i had seen on the river that wore such a cute outfit and had killer eyeliner so I commented on her makeup! She had brought her own kayak and was struggling to put it on top of the car so we offered to help her. It made me remember the mom conversing with another guy on a tube we came across in which she remarked that she was going to ask him for help but he was too far ahead and instead got there with girl power. Girls/women really do rock :-) I would like to go back there with a full day lined up so that we can go tubing after we kayak as well!! I woke up today in such a great mood thanks to the joy from yesterday!!

I watched memoirs of a geisha with a dear friend yesterday. Before we began the movie my mom called and I can’t remember but some part of our conversation pissed me off and i felt irritated even after ending the call but I was trying really hard to keep those feelings internal and enjoy the movie but she asked if I just wanted her to leave and I felt really bad so I tried to do a lil meditation inside my head and it really did help!! The movie was really good! I remember annotating my copy of the book back in the summer after I graduated high school and rereading it through my freshman semester too so I vaguely remembered the plot but I’m glad that she ended up with the chairman in the end. I’ll miss hanging out like this and am trying to somehow store the shared happiness away for when I’ll, no doubt, miss her presence and affection after she lives abroad. Neither of us are big texters; I do much better with in person communication so distance is a big issue for me unfortunately. Proximity is also the largest factor in relationships which is backed by research.

Moving on, ended the night with watching the finale of the last of us and then dissecting it as a group and sharing our thoughts. I think I would’ve done the same exact thing as Joel, and also like the callback to that ‘crazy’ lady who was hunting Henry bc he had sold out her brother to fedra for medication for his own little brother in the whole ‘what lengths are you willing to go to for your loved ones, even if that’s not what they would want for you to do’ as her brother would have likely forgiven Henry were he in that situation and similarly, though idk about life ending brain surgery for a potential cure but Ellie clearly wanted to go through with working with the fireflies to help find a cure and Joel defies that due to his now accepted role as a parental figure and the associated love and attachment and somewhat manipulation (again not the right word but idc rn) that it entails to parent a child. I was really saddened by the fact that he broke the one constant in their rocky relationship which was trust in honest communication. It’ll be heartbreaking whenever she has to confront with both herself and him that he lied to her about something so important when she tried to offer him an opportunity to come clean.

Also I know the whole ‘I know you say like you me but do you actually hate me’ thing feels overdone as a society and I very much hate that I still have feelings like this about people I’ve been friends with for a little bit if not a few years now. I know for my own self that I go through phases where honestly just being around people is too much and interacting often feels overwhelming and I start to get annoyed by them and that it’s not actually personal. I’m trying to tell myself that if I am capable of feeling this way but still loving those people at the end of the day, then I should be okay with sitting with the idea of my friends being annoyed by or disliking me sometimes. But like idk what’s wrong with me but I’m like well if you don’t like me then I feel that im worth less. It’s really annoying being aware of my people pleasing tendencies too because I constantly question whether im actually a kind person or if my kindness in any situation is driven by the need to be liked. I know this goes back to childhood trauma and blah blah blah but like I’ve already talked this shit through in therapy twice can’t I just be a stupid airhead that’s confident in herself and her relationships. It feels gross to want constant validation. Fuck.

Oh. Also??? My face and neck, and especially the bottom area of the skin under my eyes feels so dry and tight and itchy. It’s all a bit red and my neck is very splotchy. I can’t discern if this is the work of allergies bc I’d never experienced allergic reactions (or was aware of it at least) before or if I somehow went too hard on the retinol?? And I’ve been slathering my skin in like three layers of different moisturizers without drying my face even after I wash it but no dice. I might just have to buy Zyrtec or Benadryl tomorrow and see if it helps. The power of deductive reasoning to the rescue.

[bats-after-dark]

I couldn't sleep last night so I just kept imagining what the CNC fic could be like. Are we getting multiple domestic but inappropriately horny situatuons? Whose salad will wilt first? What will happen to poor little Huaien’s poor little spaghetti brain?

I hope it's not creepy that I'm this happy over this happening. Maybe this is me not having anything to cooperate with but still wanting tl cheer you on.

HELLO HI wow i also slept poorly last night, but I don't think I made any progress on CNC fic thoughts. (or I did and I have now forgotten them—which would not be entirely atypical.) It is not creepy!! Normally, I would have more non-fic-project thoughts to fling at you, but my work is pretty busy right now, so I'm sort of.....short on thoughts? HEAD EMPTY ONLY CNC FIC.

My current sense of things is that this starts with an entire day of Huaien getting worked up about the collar and what it means for his evening. It opens with a bit about Huaien getting up, running sword forms in the dark, taking a bath, etc... It's honestly kind of boring? Idk I think it works, but it's very much relying on Huaien's spaghetti brain to keep it interesting. Anyway, he gets dressed, Xiaobao does his hair, maybe he will beg for kissy? But they eat breakfast (Zhaocai's salad is suffering), drift through the day, try to kiss while Xiaoyu makes faces, etc. I think that Huaien makes it to....late afternoon? before he corners Xiaobao, gently jingling, in an alcove where anyone could walk by and see and feels him up. I can't decide if this is normal petting or uh. Okay, it's not normal petting, it's probably Huaien lightly choking Xiaobao while groping him with the other hand. which! in Huaien's defense! is what Xiaobao wants when he's wearing the jingle bell collar. not sure if he stops because he doesn't want to give Xiaobao any satisfaction or if someone is about to walk by.

Huaien goes and meditates about that, anyway. he does his little tasks, he walks around the house, he Arranges the Things He Needs for their scene. I'm thinking they don't do this in their actual personal bedroom, but I'm not sure? I might do a little research because my sense is that wives and husbands might have had separate bedrooms, but honestly, I don't watch enough dramas with established het couples in ancient fantasy China to be sure. Huaien regularly sleeps in Xiaobao's bedroom because he is a feral cat, and I think they do their weirdest sex stuff in Huaien's bedroom. this is also the room where Xiaobao does Huaien's hair, of course.

I suspect that Huaien basically drags Xiaobao away after dinner, but—the one element of this that I'm struggling with is sound. Because those houses do not look remotely soundproof, so is. is everyone listening to Xiaobao whimpering and cry and beg. did someone try to help Xiaobao at some point and Xiaobao had to explain himself. it cannot be that because it would probably kill me??? the idea of some poor member of the household staff ohgodZhaocaiNO trying to save Xiaobao and just walking in on their kink shtick and Xiaobao is all, *spits out gag* "Do I look like I'm not having a good time???", as Huaien plots this person's imminent demise. so yeah they're either waiting till late or everyone in the household just knows to keep away by now or some third worse thing that I haven’t thought of yet.

(Just had a very vivid vision of Xiaobao pretending to try to run away into their courtyard and Huaien dragging him back in, so hm. hm. much to ponder.)

would love your thoughts on inappropriately horny domestic situations!!!!

[snapshots-of-the-young-egotist]

All of the things + all of the feels

This was I think, one of my favorite birthdays.. but also one of my least favorite birthdays too. My absolutely best gifts, without question were gifts that can't even be seen! (By the ordinary eye) and I've been on the verge of these gifts for so long. Like- can't even tell you how long. Or how much time and effort that went into trying to articulate the energy before me, as if to consolidate its presence-- according to the company I'm keeping- and how the energy flows very freely and cool sometimes.. and other times, how the weighted astral restrictions from the stars refract the essence of our energies and bring forth something concrete ✨Before my birthday, I was suddenly looking at my birth chart. This suddenly caught my attention and I spent some of my free time looking at certain points- although I've always got access to this, I never actually look into things.. because why would I?! Ya know? I don't want to know too much.. and spoil the surprise.. and in some ways I still question some things that bound to happen. So all of the immense stretching and stringing my energy along finally paid off. I woke up on my birthday with this like ability to communicate with the energy in a way that I had not gotten to yet on my journey. So I was already very excited and it wasn't even 8:00 yet! So I kept the idea that with this - I could maybe lean into things a little bit more.. go a little bit deeper than I have so far.. and it's all for a reason. I can grasp at the reason, and muse about certain things; but let's be real. Some things are just too good to be true sometimes. So I meditated and boy did I get more than I bargained for on that meditation. I completely saw something that I expected to be something.. because it felt like absolutely everything. Everything & then some actually.. but as a lot of good things, it came to an end I think during that meditation.. because now I just think it's absolutely nothing, rather than something.

one thing is like the traveling a certain way.. and I know my way, but part of my path is to express myself and like, declare what I want.. almost in a Pam like way when she tells the bartender that she got the wrong beer and she musters the courage to do so and is like so proud of herself.. it's like that energy.. except as Karen put it, "Pam's.. kind of.. a . . B*tch.. " I kind of am traveling the way of asserting myself I guess? Idk I can word this better.. but essentially, my path ties into my new energetic gifts because I found a new way to not only communicate, but also how to articulate the communication. Everything ties together. All directions point back to one. The one. "Never stray from the way." Prior to my birthday, I had bouts of little moments that stirred in my mind.. and then came piping hot, into my reality. .

I guess to explain exactly what's going on, without actually saying exactly what's going on, I'll tell you a story.

Once upon a time, I was in 9th grade and it was the very beginning of the year. I went to my world history class and at the front of the class I found myself at the desk of someone named Cannon. Now, for privacy sake, unlike on TikTok, I will only share that first name here, not his whole name lol. Ah! Getting ahead of myself.. ignore the potential relevance of that TikTok comment. .

as we were: 9th grade and this kid has on a green wristband. I remembered pointing it out and acknowledging it because I did in fact think it was cool. (It was like a 100%cotton wristband and those are so soft!) Well, Cannon thought I was making fun of him at first .. so then, that pointed me in the direction of actually making fun of him.. and one of the things I joke about was how would he ever get a girlfriend if he wore a wristband even though he wasn't an athlete.. and the energy was suddenly different between us. We were in a class with twenty-something other kids who were all having their own loud conversations- but none of it mattered- because suddenly the energy had changed - and the drop in that frequency can be felt- even felt among however many other people occupy the same space - all of the noise is just magically filtered out.. it's like when time stands still almost? So that's when he dropped the ball on me.. which is funnier to me than you the audience because part of our convo entailed basketball.. but once he responded, I remember being different afterwards. Like in a good way. Where, on a higher level, we both did our Soul work and it felt good. He told me he didn't need to be an athlete because he was incredibly smart. I was so blind sided I looked over to the smartest guy I knew at the time. Stuart just shook his head in agreement that Cannon was as smart as he let on. I remember that being so impressive to me. I mean, if you saw him on that day when we were in 9th grade. Messy hair. Sweaty hair at that. Haha this is a good memory. I'm really good a visualizing so a lot is coming as I write this and it's very nice. The point is I had this memory come to me last week sometime. This memory came because out of the blue his name came to mind and I sat with the energy for a minute.. but not too long. Over the weekend, someone I follow on TikTok asks couples on the street of NYC if they are dating. If they are, they share their story. I watch on video and see a guy who looks very close to Marshall in How I met your mother.. and I was just happy to watch the cute video of how they fell in love and what they were most excited about.. at the very end, the host asks their names.. and sure enough, it was Cannon.

Yes I have a joke about how much is happening in my life inwardly + outwardly and how funny Spirit is with their messages.. "Can't interfere.. it's a cannon event."

I have more stories like this..

but the gist is that there is more work to do. I just have to continue to go through the motions. As I was just shown, certain things that seem scary or will be too hard to do, may not be that difficult at all. . And that is exciting.. but I think the number one thing now is to actually set a gym routine that works for me. This energy has to be harnessed or it will just sway away

[grippingbeskar]

The Element of Surprise | Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve: The Call

mando x fem!reader

series masterlist here

word count: 7k (ffs sorry)

warnings: ADULT CONTENT MINORS DNI (phone sex? idk like one way ft sort of vibes, general sexual content) swearing, canon typical violence

a/n: sorry it took so long but school be kicking my ASSSSSSS anyways this one is super long, idk if people prefer longer chapters or shorter ones, i could always write them and just cut them in half? but my first chapter of this was just over 2000 and now we at 7k so sorry for the inconsistency but HERE IT IS. enjoy feedback always appreciated love you guys thanku okay bye

P.S im going to stop putting the ***** in front of where certain THINGS begin because i feel like it takes you out of it and i dont like how it flows but i will put !!!!!! instead so you can skip those parts if u want but YAAA thanku! 

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

“Again. You can do it.” You’ve been standing here for about two hours, in the small open space between the cockpit and the room behind you, figuring the less space you both take up the less chance there is that Grogu will get sucked out the vat chamber.

He seems to be getting his meditation rhythm quickly, having spent a few hours this morning simply focusing on control. You could feel his concentration, the Force a strong, unwavering wall before him as he sits in the cutest half-crossed leg position you’ve ever seen. Having worked on objects last time, you thought you would take that same concept and apply it to himself, but it doesn’t really seem to be sticking.

You can’t blame him, the few times you practised with your father never amounting to any height taller than the average step. You didn’t have the focus, nor the will power to push past all the negative distractions and focus on the pure. Grogu, though, has more power than you could fathom, and as inadequate as he makes you feel, he should be flying through this lesson, literally. As he bounces on one leg getting no more than a centimetre off the ground, you slide your back down the wall in defeat.

“Okay. New approach.” You pat the floor beside you, and he plops down, his frustration evident in the energy muddling your own. Thinking back to what was your final day on Tatooine was, you try to remember what you did when you were running away from those incessant little Jawas. Running through the desert, you felt the ground solid as a rock beneath you, giving you the edge to run just that bit faster and stay out of reach. You were sure you even had a bounce in your step, springing you forward with each stomp. You were terrified, remembering how there was an impossible number of them, how tired you were. You were pushed to the extreme, and even that gave you minimal results. You weren’t going to do anything like that just to make the little guy jump a little higher, but this train of thought has you standing straight up.

“Din!” you shout, and you can hear his head turn to face you from the pilot’s chair. “Come here. I want to try something.” You aren’t completely sure where this is going, but it’s worth a shot considering everything else has failed miserably for both you and the kid.

Din appears next to you a moment later, and for a second you forget what you were doing, his presence always so distracting. You take his hand and guide him in front of Grogu, pushing down on his shoulders and he lets you take him to the floor, his legs raised as he tries to fit in the small gap. You stand behind him, and his head comes back slightly to rest on your thighs. It’s such a small moment, but everything about him makes you spin, and having him below you like this, you shake your head trying to rid the dirty thoughts that flash across your imagination.

“Okay. Now hes watching. Give it another go.” Even the baby is confused, but he tries anyway. His giant bug eyes close in concentration, one opening to check if hes still watching and quickly shutting again, and the rush of energy would have knocked you back a step and it not been for Dins hand coming around and holding your ankle. Nothing happens for a minute, but you feel something different this time, and you know your plan is working.

Every time you’ve made progress with the kid, it’s been because Din was watching. You can’t blame him, you want to impress him too, but every time something big has happened, it’s had to do with him. Grogu telling you his name, you had both been sitting at that tree for hours, but as soon as you pointed out Din leaning up against the ship, watching, he unconsciously unlocked something inside himself, and you understood him. When he saved Din’s life before you met them, it was because of him, and he was in danger. Even when you felt that kick of energy a few mornings ago, it was because he wanted Dins attention and didn’t know how to ask for it.

Their connection is something you know because you’ve felt it too – a child to a father. That kind of unwavering, unconditional love that knows no race, no age, just a completely pure and unrestricted care for another. You look down and see him, or rather, you don’t see him, because hes so high up in the air that you have to crane your neck up. He comes back down, then up, and giggles as he flips around in the air, weightless.

You feel Din laughing underneath you, the airy sound of his voice not hiding his shock. As much as it warms your heart to see this between the two people you care about the most right now, you can’t help but be jealous. Not of them, you would never place yourself between or in front of either of them, their connection formed long before you and will likely stay long after.

No, you were just jealous because they had that time. You had a few short, incredible years with your father, and you thank the Maker every day because of it, but it was taken from you, and you never get to make new memories like the one you observe now. It’s so familiar, too. This exact scenario has played out in your head a thousand times, making your father proud of how far you’ve come, what you can do, maybe even one day following in his footsteps, doing something right for once. But you won’t get that time, and it just hurts to see what you could have had.

Din is standing now, reaching out to catch Grogu in mid-air, but he slips out of his reach, coming to perch on your shoulder like a bird. At that speed, thoug, you can tell his feet don’t have the balance. Your hands move faster than your brain does, and you catch him before he even starts to fall, a small screech coming from him at the impending fear that never hits. 

Cradling him in your arms, he giggles at you, and the sadness that flooded you fades a little, his tiny hand coming up in front of your face, touching your chin. You smile down at him, and you can feel him reaching out to you through the Force, sending a small but strong wave of warmth, clearly sensing your emotions. These kinds of moments will never cease to amaze you, and you are only slightly aware of the Mandalorian armour coming into your peripheral.

“I knew you could do it, Grogu. Just needed someone to show off too, huh?” He laughs, at least you think that’s what he’s doing, making squeaking noises between your face and Dins chest.

“He just has a good teacher.” The modulator buzzes, and you shake your head. This was all Grogu, and if anything, Din had more of an effect on him than you could teach. The door to the cockpit is open, and you realise it’s entering the atmosphere of yet another planet. In the short time you’ve been with Din, he’s taken you more places than you’ve seen in your life, and you don’t think there will be a time where a flutter of excitement doesn’t rush through you at the prospect of being somewhere new.

“You can go back now; to land, if you need. I just had a hunch that you might have been the missing piece.” You look up at him, dark visor burning into your gaze.

“Missing piece, huh?” You nod your head, and a huff of air comes from the modulator, your head turning slightly as he softly squeezes your side with one hadn’t before returning to the cockpit, door remaining open behind him. The baby fidgets in your arms and you let him go, watching him bounce at inhuman heights along the small hallway.

Shuffling inside the cockpit, you slide into the chair next to him. The sky is dark with flecks of purple and white spreading through it, and you know you can’t have travelled too far, the familiar sandy terrain cluing you in to your overall distance. You seriously need to get some orbital awareness, it’s taken you this long and you’ve barely found your way around the ship, let alone an entire system of planets.

“Okay, tell me where we are today.” You sigh, knowing there’s no way you’re going to guess right.

“I need to talk to you about that.” Your heart stutters in your chest, the seriousness in his tone usually reserved for targets. You mumble a quick ‘okay’ and let him continue. “This next bounty, I need to do this alone.” Oh. Maybe that whole dramatic walk-in-silence after the last time has put him off you coming completely. “Don’t do that.” Can he read minds in that thing?

“Do what?”

“It’s not that I don’t want you there.” You can’t hide the relieved smile that kicks up one side of your face. “His puck had some information – he used to work for the Galactic Empire.”

You feel the wind leave you, and you are instantly terrified. Not for yourself – you’ve trained yourself long enough to be able to hide any hint of force capability all your life. But you are currently travelling with what could be one of the most powerful Force users of your time – and he has no idea how to hide it, partly because you haven’t taught him yet.

“Hes old now – retired from the military for years. But there’s rumours he..” he fades off, obviously not wanting to finish his sentence. You take a deep breath, shuddering as you try to respond.

“And you’re going to bring him here?”

“No.” The answer is quick and confident, and you know what that means. Not asking any questions, you are secretly relieved hes going to just kill him and not bring him back, remembering how well it worked out last time he brought back a bounty while you were on his ship. “I might be gone a day or two – maybe longer. Hes far in the mountains, but I cant risk-“

“Grogu. Of course. Ill protect him.” It sounds a lot more confident than you feel, but with your abilities coming back stronger by the day, you actually feel like you could hold your own. Maybe you should ask Din for another lesson...

“Either of you. I can’t risk you.” It takes you a second to realise that you cut him off, and your cheeks flush red. His voice is raw – as raw as it can be through the modulator, but now that you’ve heard him without it, you can imagine how it sounds, and it means more than you would like to admit to know he actually cares. “So you’ll stay?”

“Of course. Just a couple of days, right?”

“Yeah.” he says, and a low ‘hm’ comes from him as he slides back into his seat. If you weren’t so in tune to every move he made, you probably would have missed it.

“What?”

“Hm? Nothing.” You can hear his smile.

“What?!” you laugh and lean forward so you get a better look at his body language. He sits with both thighs touching each side of the chair, slightly lower down so that he can lean back and look past the headrest to see you.

“Nothing. I just thought you were going to fight me on it.” He shrugs and you scoff at him.

“Come on. Im not that combative.”

Silence. Its full of sarcasm as he stares at you head on. Even though his helmet never changes, he can have so many expressions just in the way he stares.

“Fine.”

“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing.” He says a bit quieter this time.

“No? Is that what you want, then? You want me to fight you?” His head snaps back a little, and you think you shocked him more than you did yourself. It came out way more sexual than you think you intended, but the butterflies it sent to your core make you think otherwise. The hand he has on the arm of the chair tightens, and you try your best to keep a straight face, wanting him to lead whatever comes next. Your heart beats faster as he goes to stand, your breath quickening in your chest as you anticipate his next move.

As suddenly as it started, the ship knocks down on to solid ground, shoving you back into your seat and the Mandalorian halfway into his, a large arm flying out to push a couple of buttons and pull a lever to stop it completely.

“Way to stick the landing.” You say under your breath, and another long, sarcastic stare comes your way as he sighs and stands up again.

“I-I have to go.” He says the words, but his tone is almost- whiney? He sighs and rubs the back of his neck.

“Oh! Like now?” He nods, a hand coming to rest on the top of his utility belt.

“I want to get a head start, so I can come back tomorrow. Less time we are here the better.” You nod this time. The quicker you can get off this planet, the faster that means the probable jedi killer is dead and the kid out of danger. You know this is practical. You know. But fuck if you don’t care, desperately wanting Din to finish what he didn’t even get to start, and the thought of him disappearing for days before you get to find out what it was makes you want to throw a tantrum.

Speaking of tantrums, the baby must sense something is off, because he starts to fuss and cry on the floor of the cockpit he has now wandered into. Scooping him up you start to walk out and descend the ladder, hearing Din follow closely behind. The shutter of his crib comes up and you place him in, watching him falling asleep almost instantly after a long day of training.

The Mandalorian spins you as soon as your hands are free, turning you so your entire body feels the cool metal of his armour. You still step into him, wanting to feel every part you can before he leaves.

“I have to go.” he whispers, sounding like he’s trying to convince himself more than you. His chin drops to his chest, and you rise up on your toes to press your head to his forehead, your silent way of kissing him when you cant. It’s not nearly enough to stifle the warmth that has now spread to the rest of your body, but being with him like this will do any day of the week. “Can you just – close your eyes. For one second.” Your eyes were already closed, taking in all the smells and ridges and bumps you can feel, trying to memorise him in every way before he leaves. You nod frantically as you feel him pull away, only to return with the softness of his lips against yours.

This kiss is different than the few you have shared before. Before, it was passionate, fast and greedy. This is slow; purposeful. Its full of promise, and its exactly what you needed to remind yourself he was coming back, and you would have that time with him. You think the feeling in your stomach and the shake in your hands is more linked to the idea that he wouldn’t come back for you rather than the dangers that lie in the horizon of this planet. Every planet has things that could kill you, but not every planet has him.

He bites the bottom of your lip and tugs gently, a small moan coming from you as your eyes roll back under your closed eyelids. He says your name and his lips leave yours, hearing his breathing switch from airy and hot on your cheek to scratchy and modulated. Your eyes open.

“Ill come back as soon as I can. When I leave, don’t open the door for anyone. Only I can open it from the outside.” You nod and step back, the feeling of his body hard against yours distracting you from this important information. “I changed the cockpit controls so they will open for you until I get back. The ship has ground security protocols, so it will protect you if anything happens outside. Take this-“ he shoves something in your hand. Its small, cylindrical and has a wire and earpiece. “-it’s a commlink. You press the button on the back, and it puts you through to me.”

“Where’s yours?”

“Built in the helmet. I’ll be able to see you, too. If you turn the camera on.” You smirk a little, that piece of information swimming in the back of your mind. Later, you have to say to yourself. “If anything happens, call me. I’ll come back to you.”

“How? You’ll be days away. What if-”

“I’ll find you. Always.” his gloved hand comes up to your cheek and skims across your cheekbone. “Always, cyar’ika”

“You never told me what that means.” you smile as  he types some codes into the side panel and the ramp comes down

“Didn’t I?”

“No. Hey! What does it mean?!” you half yell into the now complete darkness. You almost lose sight of Din as soon as he steps off the ramp. You want to chase after him, tell him you can help, but the little snores you hear next to you cement your feet. He just stands there, staring at you, one hand on his utility belt, stocked full of weapons. The tall blaster-sniper thing you nearly dropped when you were cleaning up the ship the first time is slung over his back, and he leans to one side, head tilted. You feel a little stupid, but you wave at him as the ramp closes, and he waves back and disappears completely.

Turning to face the empty ship, suddenly filled with dread about how the hell to fill the next 48-72 hours. You have enough food and water to last you well past that, but you can’t exactly sit and eat for the entire time. Sighing, you examine the comm link in your hand. You’ve never used one before, and your curious. How far away will it work? You know he said there was a camera in there somewhere, but you don’t want to turn it on and call him by accident not even a minute after he’s left. Placing it on top of your bag on the floor, you decide you’re going to take a nice long shower, and hopefully you’ll fall asleep somehow.

--- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You did not fall asleep. After spending way too long in the fresher, you went upstairs to ‘your’ room, wrapping yourself up in the blankets that still smelt like him, but it wasn’t enough, because no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t sleep in there without him. After a few hours of tossing and turning, you gave up completely, bringing both the blanket and pillow down the ladder and curling up in that familiar corner of the ships hull. The kid woke up when he heard you coming down, the soundproof seal of the upper and lower parts broken when you dropped the ladder. He jumped out of his bed, and you were way too exhausted to put him back. Both of you tucked yourself under the blanket, bonding over your mutual dwelling in the Mandalorian shaped hole in your little group. Neither of you woke up, the constant hum of the ship as well as the dark sky outside making it impossible to tell the time, which is a blessing in disguise, because you had no idea how to waste your day locked up in the Razor Crest, counting down the minutes until he came back.

When you finally untangled yourself from the blanket, you had to stretch out, sleeping in that hunched position did nothing for your constant aches and pains. It reminded you of sleeping on Tatooine, lots of late nights, only falling asleep due to pure exhaustion in any spot safe enough to close your eyes. Cracking your back, you step over the still sleeping baby, probably re energising after your long training session yesterday. You figured it probably isn’t the best idea to try and train while your here, drawing the attention of anyone on this planet while the Mandalorian was so far away made you uneasy. You knew you could protect yourself, but you were untested, and you’d like to keep it that way.

Heading up the ladder, you decide to explore the only part of the ship you haven’t really looked at, mainly because someone else usually handles it. The control system looked standard – you knew it was made before the Galactic Empire, and you also knew it had a hyperdrive, only because you’d seen Din use it speeding away from Jakku. Other than that, there were a whole heap of buttons that seemed connected to different weapons and allocated gears. There was a reason you hadn’t been able to build a ship in three years – you had zero mechanical experience. You wondered if Peli would have taught you if you’d asked way back when, but your pretty sure she would have charged you credits you didn’t have. Shaking your head, you wouldn’t have wanted to leave any other way, because thinking about being anywhere but here makes you feel empty. Here you have a purpose, and you don’t wander aimlessly - you are wanted, or at least needed for the time being.

Din had made it clear he wanted you to stay, but it still worried you what your purpose would be if you ran into a Jedi at some point. They would be the clear superior teacher, and you would want that for Grogu anyway, but you still wanted to offer something. Maybe you could learn, while he wasn’t here to tell you no. Running your hands over the controls, you realise the Mandalorian had said not to leave the ship, but he didn’t say anything about moving it.

Slowly, you went through the motions you had seen Din do– so many times you memorised the pattern. You’ve flown before, but only once, and knowing how well (not well) that turned out, you take it slow. This is ten times bigger than the jet you flew three years ago, and its pitch black out, but what else is there to do? You are on a ship – you’re going to at least press a button. You flick the ignition and the engine roars to life. It sounds louder than usual, and the rumbling of the jet fuel churning through the lower hull wakes the kid downstairs, hearing him tumbling up the ladder and suddenly floating into the co-pilots chair, strapping his own seat belt on.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, buddy.” he looks at you with innocent bug eyes, tiny hands clinging onto the seat straps, and you really don’t want to accidentally kill him, so you sigh and flick the switch back off. As the engine dies down, you hear a loud beeping coming from downstairs. You mutter a swear under your breath. Of course the one time you touch one tiny button you set alarms off. No wonder the engine sounded so loud.

After climbing into the hull and walking past the carbonite chamber, you realise the beeping isn’t coming from any machinery, but rather the small comm link on top of your bag. It has a flashing red light next to the button, and you quickly slide the earpiece on before pressing it.

“What’s wrong?” His voice floods into your ear, and you swear you could cry at the sound of it. He sounds out of breath, like he’s running, and its suddenly the greatest sound in the world. “Hey! Answer me. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Why would anything be wrong?”

“You started the ship. Where are you going?” What the hell? How did he...

“How do you know that?”

“I track it. Part of the protocols.” He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. You scoff and he continues. “So where were you going?” You sigh.

“Nowhere. I was just bored, and I’m on this massive ship so I thought –“

“You thought you’d try to fly a ship ten times the size of anything you’ve flown before?”

“Yep.” It sounds way dumber when he says it like that. You were very bored though, and now you were talking to him, so who’s the smart one here?

“Even though you crash landed the only one you’ve ever flown?”

“Hey! It was a malfunction in the engine.” You defend. It wasn’t, you just couldn’t fly for shit. He laughs, even though he’s out of breath, and you realise you might be distracting him.

“You sound busy. I’m fine, kids fine. I didn’t mean to worry you; I won’t attempt any more get-aways.”

“I’m not busy.” He says in between short, sharp breaths.

“You’re running.”

“I can run and talk.” Your glad he can’t see the goofy grin that you sport when he says that. “How’s the kid?”

“Tired. He’s still sleeping, curled up in a little ball on the floor.” You look over at him, hardly visible in the tumble of blankets he’s thrown himself back into.

“Bet he was happy when he thought you were going somewhere.” He knows him so well; it makes your heart swell.

“Strapped himself into the seat and everything. Very adorable.” You shutter the door closed, making sure Grogu can fall back asleep in the quiet of the hallway.

“He’s always been a sucker for a pretty face.” Maker, his voice alone could push you over the edge, and something about that compliment, in particular the places you’ve been when he’s called you that before, makes your core tighten instantly. You went so long without any kind of intimate interaction, you think your body forgot what it was missing and now you can’t seem to control yourself, that and everything he does just happens to be the most attractive thing you’ve ever witnessed. You have to clear your throat before answering.

“Must be why he stuck around with you for so long.”

“Must be.” The line goes quiet, just the heaving of his modulated breath in your ears, and you close your eyes, content to just listen to the sound of him. He’s still running, although you think he may have slowed his pace whilst talking to you. His boots hit hard ground, and there’s a slight splash in each thud, so he must be near water. You furrow your brows at this, trying to remember if it rained today.

“How far away are you?” The sky was completely dark when you arrived, but you were pretty sure there wasn’t any rivers in eyesight, meaning he must be very far away.

“Only about an hour. Underground, though. He’s a loner – figured I’d try my luck under here.”

“Undergr- wait where are we?” He never even told you what planet you were on, let alone how he got underground. He does everything with such calm confidence you forget to question him.

“Ryloth.” You take a breath to press him, but he reads your mind even from miles away. “Lots of mountains, underground springs – Twi’leks home world in the Outer Rim. We’re in the Night lands.”

“Night lands?”

“Ryloth is tidal locked, one side is always dark and one light – that’s why you haven’t seen the sun since we landed.”

“Damn. I thought I just slept in.” He laughs in an exhale, and you can hear that his footsteps have become slower and softer, obviously trying to limit his presence. “So its just always night here?”

“Only on this side of the planet.”

“I kind of like that.”

“Yeah?” he whispers, and as much as it makes your toes curl at the low vibration, sounding like he’s right next to you, you remember the reality of his current situation.

“Are you sure you don’t need to-“

“Keep talking. Please.” Its like music to your ears, hearing him like that. You slowly get up and walk up the ladder, letting it shutter close behind you and leaving the kid snoring downstairs. You sit in his chair in the cockpit, taking in the lingering smell of him that almost seems infused in the chair. Maybe its weird, wanting to be surrounded by him all the time, but having him talk in your ear while you can smell that specific kind of shampoo, your senses nearly overload.

“Okay. How do you know all this, about all the planets you visit? Is it like some Mandalorian thing to know everything about planets?”

“Its not a ‘Mandalorian’ thing.” You can hear the sarcastic tone and it makes you giggle as he continues. “I have a book.” You wait, thinking he will elaborate, but the longer you sit in silence, it occurs to you he isn’t going to elaborate.

“A book. You read about them?”

“That is what you do with books, yes.” Oh, how you missed this.

“So, every time you visit a planet, you have to memorise all this stuff about them? How do you remember it?”

“I don’t always, and I only really check the relevant parts, like underground springs that are potentially hiding spots. And I like to be prepared. Helps to get it done quicker.” The image of him sitting in the chair you are currently slumped in, reading while travelling with the kid in tow, gloved fingers tracing words while his visor follows them.

“Is it here?” By here, you mean in the ship, but when he murmurs a small ‘mhmm’ you immediately leap up and start opening compartments in front of you. Most are full of tools, a few small boxes and rags litter through the bigger drawers, but when your hands find the stark white cover of the only book in the ship, you can’t help but run your fingertips over it just once before snatching it up and flipping through the pages, trying to find a planet you recognise. You make an excited sound somewhere between a squeal and a shriek when you finally do.

“Find it?” he says, low and quiet.

“Ryloth, also known as Twi’lek Prime. Located on the Corellian Run in the Outer Rim.” You read proudly, and you can’t hide your excitement at the information you now hold. Every planet in the galaxy is in your hands, and you continue to flip through the pages. You hear Din sit down, a small grunt coming from him as his body slumps to the ground. He sounds tired. You wonder if he’s been able to sleep at all out there. “You okay?” he only grunts in response, and you place the book on the floor, deciding to come back to it later. “Is he close?” You have started to whisper too, if only to allow him to concentrate.

“Yeah. Should be done soon.”

“Good. I miss you.” You almost regret the words when you say them. You are still unsure where you stand with Din, feelings not really being either of your forte’s, but you can’t help what you feel, sitting surrounded by things that remind you so much of him and flicking through his book only pulling more and more longing from your chest.

“You miss me, ner kar'taylir darasuum?” That was new, but it sent the butterflies in your stomach wild all the same.

“Don’t let it go to your head.” he laughs, as loud as he can while still making as little noise as possible. “But yeah. A lot. Especially right now.” You close your eyes, trying to imagine the breathing coming from your earpiece was brushing against your cheek, his voice kissing the back of your neck.

“Let me see you.” He almost growls because of how low he’s keeping his voice, and you set the cylinder in your hand against the controls in front of you without question, clicking the button and sitting back in the chair.

“Is it working?”

“You’re in my chair.” You take that as a yes.

“Mhmm. Smells like you.” You don’t know why, but you almost feel the change in the air when you say that. Din takes a deep breath, and then another.

“You miss me that bad?” You nod now that you know he can see you, eyes staring right into where your pretty sure the camera is. You sit cross legged on the chair, it’s width big enough to allow you to lean back in it slightly, considerably bigger than the one you are used to. Your fingertips graze your bare thigh as they come to rest on the armrests. “Show me.”

!!!!!!!!! Your eyes widen at his request, and you suddenly feel a little shy. You know you are alone, and the pitch black of the night sky as well as the height of the ship ensures no one could see you even if they looked straight in, but it’s still a massive glass panel in front of you.

“Don’t be shy, show me how bad you miss me.” His voice is heavy, and you swallow thickly before biting the bullet and slowly bringing two fingers into your mouth, just like he does so often, and sucking them gently.

You hear his breath hitch and he mumbles something under his breath, so you take that as a sign to let your hand drift out of your mouth, and sliding in straight under the waistline of your shorts. You can feel how wet you are just by skimming the outside of your underwear, and it draws a moan from you even at the light touch. Your eyes flutter closed again as you imagine what he must look like, head leaning back against a wall, forced to watch you do this while all he can do is stare. This turns you on more, putting a little more pressure to your centre with one finger, and you moan his name.

“You thinking about me?” his voice is louder, and you think you hear him shuffle around a little.

“Always.”

“Tell me what your thinking.” You slide your hand underneath your underwear, fully committed to this now. You keep your eyes closed, and try to copy what he does, starting with a slow rhythm that sends ripples of pleasure up your spine.

“Thinking about you. I always think about you. Your mouth on me. You make me f-feel so good Din.” You stutter through your sentence, starting to pick up the pace. You can hear how heavy he’s breathing on the other side on the line. You have never done this before, and you also aren’t sure how much he can really enjoy of this considering his situation, but the pressure in your stomach is building too fast for you to care, wanting to be selfish and chase your own release, the idea of him watching only making you work yourself faster.

“You look so fucking pretty like that. In my chair, touching that sweet pussy while thinking about me. Didn’t know you could be so fucking dirty.” His words and your fingers are the only things making sense right now, trying to imitate the incredible things he does with his hands and tongue. It doesn’t feel nearly as good as when he’s here, but having him tell you how pretty you look while you touch yourself sends you into overdrive.

“Maker I wish you were here Din. Want to feel your hands on me so bad.”

“I know, baby. You’re doing so good for me. I wanna hear you cum while your thinking about me. You gonna cum for me?” Your eyes squeeze shut, enraptured in his voice and your pleasure. You can feel it sitting low in your stomach, like a time bomb guaranteed to go off - you just don’t know when. You hear him shuffle around again, the only audible sounds from his side. 

“Fuck. You are so beautiful. Don’t cum until I say.” You whine, and you are about to protest when you hear the clang of his utility belt on the ground.

A zipper slides down through the earpiece, and when you hear him spit into his hand, you don’t care how loud you are when you moan his name. You can only just hear the quiet sounds of his hand stroking his length and he lets out a shuddering breath. You decide to take the lead, knowing it might be hard for him to talk.

“I wish it was my mouth around your cock, Din. I want to taste you so fucking bad. I’d take anything you give me. Just want to feel you.” You have no idea how you get the words out, your pleasure and heat for him taking over and saying the words your conscious mind would be too embarrassed to say, but they are no less true. You hear him moan softly and he try to choke it down.

“Bet your mouth would feel as soft a-as your cunt, cyar’ika.” His filthy words bring you as close to the edge as you can possible be, every time he curses only feeding your fire. You can feel yourself bursting at the seems, his name a prayer on your lips as you chant it, picking up speed nearly forgetting his earlier command. “Your gonna cum when I tell you, okay?” You nod again, unable to do anything but shake at the intensity of what he does to you.

If you had been more coherent you may have heard to commotion on the other end of the comm link, but you couldn’t hear anything past his occasional quiet whisper of a moan, any sound he makes sending you reeling. A string of curses flow out of your mouth trying to keep some kind of composure, wanting to be able to do what he says.

“Okay, baby. I’m going to count to three and your gonna cum for me.”

“Din! I-“

“Be a good girl for me. You know I make you feel good. Listen to me.” You nod your head rapidly, fingers circling your clit in tight, fast motions imitating the way he does. “So good. Okay, Three.”

He stops talking, and you hear a single blaster shot in the background. You are so close you think you might explode, your hand still working as you yell out for him.

“Fuck! Din are yo-“

“Don’t stop. Focus.” He grits out, his hand still working himself, slow wet sounds coming from his end as well as another single blaster shot. He shuffles around, and you are just about to scream at him for being down right fucking crazy when he speaks again.

“Two.” You throw your head into the headrest, back arching off the seat. In the back of your mind you are slightly worried for him, but you know he doesn’t take risks, and if he was in any real danger he would stop. “Maker you look so fucking good like that. You gonna cum all over my chair, huh?”

“Yes! Yes, Din fuck imgonnacumDini-“

“Wait.” A choked gasp rips from you as your body starts to shake; desperate.

“Good girl. You ready?”

Your hand moves erratically and you have no idea what’s taken over you as you moan and shake and scream his name.

“Fucking cum for me, baby. Tell me who’s making you feel so good.”

“Din!”

Your orgasm hits you like a train, and your entire body jerks under your own touch. You had no idea you could make the sounds that rip from your throat, his name mixed in with the shouts of pleasure.

He moans in unison, and you hear the familiar shake of his voice and you know he’s cumming with you. That somehow only turns you on more, wishing you could see how good he feels right now.

Your legs are twitching in the chair as they are now swung over the armrests, putting you on full display to the watching Mandalorian on the other end.

“Shit, baby. You did so well. You feel okay?”

“D-Din.” Is all you can manage and you hear a small laugh through the earpiece. You know he can see you and how very much okay you feel right now, the post orgasm high making you shyly smile at the camera.

“Wish I was there right now.” He murmurs in your ear, and you are about to respond when another blaster shot wizzes past, this one sounding much closer than the last. You can hear him zip up his pants, and clip back the discarded utility belt. 

“You are incredible.” You blush at his praise, slowly sitting up. At some point your pants had completely come down, only holding on by dangling off one of your ankles, so you begin to pull them back up. Three more blaster shots come through, and without the haze of your hand in your pants, you become increasingly more worried.

!!!!!! “Din, please tell me your safe.”

“I’m good. Just have to handle this. I’ll be home soon, cyar’ika.”

“You still have to tell me what that means.” You smile at him, leaning forward to be closer to the camera.

“Soon.” He repeats, and you roll your eyes at him. “No more flying escapades.” You hear two more shots.

“If this is what I get when I turn on the ignition, you bet your metal ass I’m flying this ship to Batuu and back.” He laughs, it’s audible now because his cover is most likely blown.

“We’ll see.”

“Please stay safe, Din.” you move your hand to pick up the comm link, bringing it toward you. “Come back to us.”

“Always.” He says, and you drift to sleep on his chair, dreaming of him coming home.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - -

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[obiwanobi]

Catch me thinking about sith Anakin who got in a fight w/ Palps (did Palps cross a line? Did Anakin decide he had nothing to lose? Idk), barely managed to win and is now seriously hurting and a little freaked out winding up outside Obi-wan's quarters and Obi-wan doesn't have time to draw his saber let alone figure out how a sith lord managed to get so far into the jedi temple unnoticed and Force is that blood? before Anakin's passing out with only a murmered request for help.

LISTEN you can’t keep sending me perfect prompts, how do you know I can’t resist bloody men on their knees begging for salvation, how do you know me so well??? anyway here’s 2.3k of always-a-sith!Anakin who could have been the new ruler of the empire but said ‘no thanks, this is too much responsibility, I would like to be pampered by my favourite jedi now’ (with a bit of Ahsoka as Obi-Wan’s padawan!)

 He didn’t mean to kill him.

Well, not at first.

He didn’t mean to kill Sidious, but pulling his lightsaber from his lifeless corpse only felt like complete satisfaction. A weight on his shoulders he didn't know he carried disappeared, letting him stand up above the body of his master— former master, and gaze upon what was left of him. A shapeless form on the ground. A dark cape around an old man playing at being a god. A begging mess of futile promises when he realised it was the end for him.  

As mindless fury leaves him, his ragged breathing slows down and his fist unclenches around his saber. Sidious is dead. Now that the adrenaline rush is gone, his knees start shaking. His Master is dead. His face is wet with sweat and blood and tears. Dead and now Anakin has no one.

And then...  And then fear.

"You know," Ahsoka groans as the water starts boiling, "I don't understand how you got your reputation of Cool Jedi Master. Other padawans think I'm lying when I tell them you wear the ugliest slippers at home and gets excited by new tisanes."

"You gifted me those slippers."

"As a joke. And you still wear them."

"I'm not going to throw away perfectly good slippers." Obi-Wan wiggles his toes under the red and yellow fuzzy monstrosities, just to see his padawan rolls her eyes. "And they're really comfortable."

"So you're just going to stay there, then? Your whole battalion is out celebrating our first day of leave since forever, but you prefer to drink your tea alone and go to bed at 22:00?"

"No one wants an authority figure around when they're letting loose and celebrating, Ahsoka," Obi-Wan says, pouring hot water in his cup. He raises the kettle towards his padawan as a question, to which she shakes her head. "I thought you would be happy to see me putting sleep before work for once."

"I am, Master, but I thought it could be..." She trails off, fidgeting with the hilt of her sabers. For once, she looks like a typical padawan, just like he was at her age, dying to enjoy one night away from the temple and any kind of responsibilities.

"It's alright my dear," he sighs, "you can join them if you want."

Ahsoka suddenly perks up. "I can?"

"If you're old enough to be sent to the front, I think you can handle yourself for one night on Coruscant."

"Thank you Master! I promise I'll be careful and not come back too late!"

"You do that, and-- wait, Ahsoka," he adds as she's already halfway through the door, "make sure to stay around Cody! And no alcohol of any kind! And don't lose your lightsaber at sabacc again!"

"That was you!" she yells from the end of the corridor, "don't worry, I'll be fine! Don't wait for me to go to bed! Goodnight Master!"

Obi-Wan smiles, blowing on his cup. He already sent a message to Cody earlier to keep an eye on her, so he knows she's in good hands.

He has his herbal tea, his ugly slippers, no reports to read or write, and no immediate Separatist menace to plan for. For once, a perfectly good night to catch up on sleep and meditation.

So, of course, something has to be wrong.

The Force is bright. The Force is lighter than it has ever been for the past few years.

And Obi-Wan can't understand why.  

It's not just him that can feel it: Ahsoka has acted chipper since, more like the teenager she is, laughing with the clones and playfully teasing him the whole fly back to Coruscant. The temple has felt livelier than ever when they arrived, Jedi from all ages going about their day with a new spring in their step, greeting each other warmly in the corridors. Even Master Yoda has taken a few minutes during their Council meeting to note the shift in the Force. No Master could pinpoint the origin of this change, but all agreed that something good happened somewhere in the galaxy, and they were just feeling ripples of the effect in the Force.

Still now, the whole temple feels a bit more like it used to, before the war, and all Jedi are a bit happier without knowing why.

Only Obi-Wan feels like a noose tightening around him. Whatever it is, it's slowing making its way around his presence in the Force. Focusing on him and him alone. Doesn't matter how much Obi-Wan tries to hide himself, it's getting closer and never slowing down or losing interest.

Needless to say, Obi-Wan has a bad feeling about this.

But after almost three years of war, sullen faces and grim expressions, he doesn't feel like dampening the sudden good mood around the Temple just with a few words. He can probably deal with whatever it is by himself.

His tisane is cold when he finally emerges from his meditation. Nothing is clearer than when he started: the Force is deaf to his questions and inquiries, still light as a breeze. An airy unconcern for his restlessness. And yet, a thick pressure still looms around him, getting heavier each passing second now.

His fingers start pulling on his collar.

The clock on the wall indicates that he lied to Ahsoka when he said he was going to bed at a respectable time today. No diurnal Jedi would still be up right now, but he still considers going out to knock at Mace's door. Narrowed eyes and a very long sigh will be his first answer, but Obi-Wan knows that Mace would never refuse to hear him out. Yes, he finally decides when the pressure seems to creep even closer to him, it's worth waking up Mace.

He opens his door, wondering if he should take his robe with him, and instantly stops walking.

There, in the empty corridor of the Jedi Temple, at his door and on his knees, is a Sith. He knows it's a Sith only because he recognises this specific mass of hair, the large shoulders, the dishevelled dark robe. He knows it's a Sith because he has crossed path with this one enough times on the battlefield to recognise him anywhere. Outside of it a few times too. He isn't sure it's a Sith when the Sith raises his head up, bloody and bruised face torn in an agonizing expression, and his eyes are blue.

"I— I didn't know where to go," Darth Vader says quietly, with the kind of voice expected from a lost child. It gives Obi-Wan a second shock to hear his voice, making his presence suddenly real. "You said... You said if I ever wanted to, if I needed help one day, you would— I could—"

Obi-Wan remembers it. He remembers all the times he offered his help. His pleas for him to stop the violence, the appeals to reason, the multiple suggestions of a gentler path. His hand continuously outreached but never taken. He remembers the burning gold of the Sith's eyes too, and his black cape floating above the dead clones at his feet.

His laughter the first time Obi-Wan brought up the idea of lowering their blades and talking around a cup of tea. His sneer the third time Obi-Wan tried to change his misconceptions about the Jedi Order and play-flirt with him in the same breath. The silence the fifth time Obi-Wan asked him his name, his real name, the one a parent gave him.

The tears the last time he gave it to him.

"And you're always trying to save me," Vader adds more forcefully now, like the words anger him, "you're always here, showing up almost every time I'm sent somewhere with your stupid smile and stupid words, and you're always nice, and... and teasing, and disappointed when I kill someone, like you expect me to be better, and I don't understand you, but..."

Vader raises his hand towards him, and it's only this sudden move that shakes Obi-Wan out of his stupor. Before the Sith can touch his leg, Obi-Wan calls his lightsaber to him, ignites it in one fluid motion, half-expecting Vader to be up and swaying his saber in his face by now. But the Sith is still on his knees, and it's only now that the blue light of his blade is above him that Obi-Wan realises the state he's in. His face isn't the only thing bruised and battered: his dark tunic is stained with blood and ripped in more than one place, one of his arms is bent in an unnatural way, and it looks like a cut above his hairline is still bleeding, making his curls stick to his face in a mess of wet hair and burned skin.

"Vader," Obi-Wan says slowly, when his thoughts finally regain a semblance of coherence. A rapid investigation through the Force assures him that no other enemy is around and the calm and quiet of the night in the Temple isn't a prequel for a storm. "How did you get in here? What are you doing here? How—"

Vader's hand, stuck in the space between them, reaches once again for Obi-Wan. Foolishly, Obi-Wan lets him. His fingers twist themselves in the fabric of his pants.

"He made me killed them all.” Vader wobbles on his knees for a second, the hand on Obi-Wan's leg gripping it tighter. “No platoons, no battle droids. Just me. He sent me to the power station and I cut through them so easily, so quickly, they didn't even fight back, and I didn't think that..." he trails off, panting. "Until.... until I saw the electro-whips." 

"Are you talking about Naphtla?" he asks when Vader doesn't seem to be able to continue.

Naphtla. Outer Rim. Barely on the Republic radar until this afternoon, when nearby troops answered a distress signal and found a hidden Separatist power station operated by slaves. A third of them were dead, killed only a few hours before, and the survivors turned to the Republic for immediate support. Slaughtered like animals, the rescue team reported to the Council only a few hours ago, by one single man wielding a red lightsaber. According to witnesses, the darksider cut through the slaves like bantha butter, killing everyone in his path without discrimination, until he stopped for no apparent reason and abruptly left.

"You were the one who killed the people at the station there," Obi-Wan realises out loud, horrified, "the slaves from Zygerria."

Vader snaps his head up and his fingers tighten painfully around Obi-Wan's knee. "I DIDN'T KNOW!"

All Obi-Wan's senses and logical thoughts urge him to back out, put an end to this nonsensical charade, raise his lightsaber between them, get away from the dark, hungry void Vader generates in the Force.

But his eyes are looking up to him. Gripping his gaze with the same intensity as his hand on his leg. Bloodied face and pleading, on his knees. Full of tears.

Obi-Wan doesn't push Vader's hand away.

"I didn't know they were slaves, I didn't!"

"Vader."

"He never said! He sent me without telling him, he knows I don't—" A small noise sounding suspiciously like a sob swallows the rest of his words.

"Vader, who sent—"

"When I came back," he tries again, quieter. Obi-Wan opens his mouth to ask about this he, but Vader's head lolls for a second, too heavy to support, before butting gently against Obi-Wan's leg. Vader makes no effort to move, content to stay there, and after a second, a small, almost timid nuzzle against his thigh sends a series of shivers through Obi-Wan's spine. It shuts him up instantly. "When I came back, he looked at me for so, so long, before saying that he knew, he knew I was going to fail, that I was... just like them after all, and that I could never... And I was so mad, so angry at him, so I... I..."

The last words are muffled by the fabric Vader clings to. Hides into. There's blood on Obi-Wan's pants now.

"What have you done, Vader?" Obi-Wan asks, softer than he intended. "Vader," he asks again when no reply comes, without success. The hand not holding his lightsaber moves, hesitates for a moment, then settles lightly on Vader's hair, mindful not to touch any open wounds. His fingers nudge him to tip his head back, gently, carefully, and settle on his cheek to hold his face up, looking at him. "Anakin." His name, his true name, makes him blink a few times. "Anakin, what have you done?"

"I killed him," he finally admits, barely audible. He looks exhausted, more like a child in need of rest than ever.

"Who did you kill?"

"My master."

"Dooku? You killed Dooku?"

"No," Vader— Anakin frowns, like Obi-Wan should know better. "Sidious."

It's a bit much to process in one day. Another Sith Lord, Vader's master, concealed and kept a secret, now dead, killed by his apprentice —and does that make Vader the ruling Sith Lord now? Do Sith have rulers?— the lightness in the Force the same day, a half-dead Vader begging for help in the middle of the night in the Jedi Temple, and all of that while Obi-Wan is still wearing his ugly slippers.

He's so glad he sent Ahsoka away for the night.

Anakin doesn't let him time to feel the migraine coming.

"I can't do it, I can't be my master, I can't— and Dooku hates me, he will never help me, even if I let him have it all, he will never..." Vader seems to run out of steam, and lets his eyes close as his head falls once again against Obi-Wan's thigh. Closer. "You said you could help me. You said I could come to you at any time. You said you would always be there if I didn't want to... do this, anymore."

"I did," Obi-Wan assures him, his hand lightly petting his hair again.

Anakin lets out a long breath. His fingers tighten on the fabric of Obi-Wan's pants, loosen, and tighten again.

"You're the only one I trust," the Sith quietly tells the Jedi, and it's the saddest thing Obi-Wan has ever heard.

[chasingpj]

𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐨 𝐝𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫

pairing: leo valdez x child of iris!reader

requested?: yes!

translation: full of color

warnings: uhh, mentions of mental health and ?? maybe some typos lmao

category: headcanons, fluff, best friends to lovers

pre-relationship

though, leo saw you around camp often, you caught interest in him before he caught interest in you

i mean, he literally couldn't miss you because your outfits were always bright, whether it was a combination of colors or monochromatic

you and your siblings actually look like a rainbow threw up on you guys, and it's honestly iconic

no one at camp can not notice the children of iris, especially when they're in a herd

one day, you were sitting alone at a picnic table near the lake, and you found yourself drawing him in your sketchbook

you sketched a portrait of him while he spoke to piper at a table nearby

you've always found the floppy curls and how his brightest smiles always look a little manic to be adorable

when you sketched his portrait in your notebook, you didn’t intend for him ever to see it

until a couple of weeks later in the arts and crafts center, leo passed by and caught sight of a new project you were working on

he stopped in his tracks to compliment your drawing

since you were nowhere near done with it, you couldn’t admire the piece as much as he was

but his enthusiasm was so endearing

he politely asked if he could see more, and you didn’t hesitate to slide over your sketchbook

he noticed a lot of your drawings were scenery and people at camp; especially your siblings

he stumbled across a detailed sketch of a woman and her child sitting in a bus

“wow… who’s this?”

“oh, I don’t know. It was just a little girl I saw on the train with her mother.”

“so you just drew her?”

you never realized how weird your habit of drawing random people was until he had asked

you giggled nervously, quick to explain yourself, “I tend to draw people or things that I find beautiful. I wanted to capture how calm and happy she was with her child ‘cause at the time, I was stressed and angry. Watching and drawing her made me calm.”

leo nodded, a faint smile on his lips before looking back down at the drawing. “that’s really cool,” he complimented, and you shifted in your seat, suddenly shy.

And then it hit you

you were so willing to show leo all your works that you had completely forgotten that his portrait was in that book

your pulse thumped loud in your ears, mind racing to figure out a way to take away your sketchbook before he could see it

you ended up spending so long thinking of what to do that he arrived on the page in no time

right before he could see the drawing in its entirety, you slammed the book closed and snatched it

leo’s startled expression turned into a mischievous smirk

“was that me?”

you froze in your place; a squeaky sound escaped your throat in your embarrassment

leo’s brown eyes sparkled as he leaned into you, your gaze fixed on his, “y/n, you think I’m beautiful?”

AHHHH!

^^ that was you in your head btw

leo laughed, amused at your attempt to deny it

“then why did you snatch it away?” he raises an eyebrow before reaching over quickly to grab the sketchbook back

you didn't pull it out of his reach fast enough, leo getting a grip on one side

the two of you pull it back and forth, leo laughing at you as you continued to deny what he saw

though you were incredibly embarrassed, you couldn't contain the laughter bubbling in your chest

gods, of course, this would happen to me, you thought

he got it out of your grip, and you sighed in defeat, watching him flip to the page of him and piper

he was quiet, studying the picture for a second before giving you that playful smirk

“you think I’m beautiful?” he asked again

you playfully rolled your eyes, “it was more piper than you.”

your tone was sarcastic, only fueling leo’s banter with you

“oh really?” he chuckled to himself, “but i’m the only one colored in.”

you were silent at his observation before scoffing, “whatever.”

leo only laughed as you take the book away from him

“don’t you have somewhere to be, fire boy?” you asked and nudged his shoulder

the glint in your eyes made him smile, and he shrugged, “i guess i do. i'll see you around."

you nodded, too shy to do anything else, and he walked off

after that, leo took it upon himself to talk to you every day

leo teased you about the drawing all the time, and he found the way you would play along to be funny

before you both fell in love, you were close friends

you had such an optimistic point of view about life, and it was pretty contagious

somehow when leo was in the dumps about something, you always knew what to say

you were just so easy to talk to, and because of this, your friendship just grew naturally

your first kiss was towards the end of summer

leo invited you to hang out with him in bunker nine at, specifically, 6 pm

you teasingly asked if it was a date, and you remember the way he tensed up a bit

with a mumble, he asked, "what if it is?"

from the tone in his voice, you knew he wasn’t joking

in fact, his tone was hesitant, a part of him was expecting you to reject him

then the heavy pit in his stomach turned light when you smiled and said, "then I'm down."

the grin leo gave you made your heart flutter like crazy

your first date consisted of eating snacks and watching a movie on one of those portable DVD players

You picked up on the tension between you and him, and noticed the opportunities for a kiss kept passing

it was until Leo walked you to your cabin that night did you have a moment of boldness and asked, "so are you going to kiss me or?"

leo's eyes widen in surprise before his face broke out in the familiar smirk he gives when he flirts with you

you rolled your eyes playfully and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him into you

your first kiss was sweet and soft; a little awkward

his hands hovered over your sides for a second, not sure what to do with them until he decided to rest them on your waist

it was the perfect way to mark the beginning of your relationship

relationship

since you guys are both broke teenagers, you got creative with date nights

you came up with the idea of paint splattering with him

you guys got canvases, covered the walls and floors with plastic to make sure you didn't dirty them

then you filled water balloons with paint and just threw them

despite you guys singing and dancing around in the midst of it, the canvases came out so good

and to commemorate the beginning of your relationship, you hung them up side by side in bunker nine, and when you guys get a place together, you hang them up in the hallway of your apartment

leo is a huge gift giver; as i’ve said before in my “how he shows he loves you” headcanons

he’s made you a lot of things; canvases, jewelry, little trinkets with scrap metal

one of your favorite gifts from him is a suncatcher with rainbow quartz

you fell in love with it and when you move in together, you make sure to hang it up in the kitchen with the bunch of other suncatchers that he’s made you

i love the idea that you would attempt to bring more color in his wardrobe

a lot of his clothes are muted in color; you don’t mind it but you were interested to see what he’d look like in a colorful outfit like yours

To say the least, he was not that enthusiastic and maybe, you shouldn’t have put him in a monochromatic orange outfit but… you still thought he looked cute

leo thought he looked like a traffic cone though so it didn’t stick

it’s okay because you like him the way he is anyways

another thing is that you guys are super supportive of each other and leo loves just how you manage to lift his mood

once leo was having a bad mental health week

you guys were sitting under a tree, looking out at the water

his head laid on your shoulder and small sniffles came from the other

it hurt to see him like this and you wished you could do more to make him feel better

then you had the greatest idea to make a rainbow for him

so you did

leo was so stunned when he saw the rainbow form over the lake

he looked at you surprised and when you admitted to making the rainbow for him, the emotion on his face was indescribable

and then you laughed and held him when he started crying because he said it was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for him

another time, you insisted that meditation would be good for him

he literally sat down for like 3 minutes with his eyes closed before he was itching to get up and do something

even when he was sitting down, he was still bouncing his legs and fidgeting

so that fell through too but you still helped him in other ways and he’s so grateful for your optimism and bubbly personality

leo always says that you bring color to everything; literally and figuratively

one of the things you bring color to is his life

and he’s constantly reminding you of this; that his world just feels brighter now that you’re around

and it’s literal too

since you painted the walls of bunker nine a bright orange

he asked you why orange, and you told him because orange encourages productivity, creativity, and most importantly, optimism

it may have also reminded you of the orange outfit you put him into

anyways, you told him that it hurt you to see him get down in the dumps, and you insisted there was no way he could be sad in a bright orange room

needless to say, you were kinda right

masterlists taglist: @nct127bee @minamisulemisa @yanfeisluvr @cartocns @slytherclaw-kitten @idk-bye-no @percysbluehairbrush @Hermioneswifeee @quteez @drayshadow @ashookykooky @anything-forourmoony @loverstyless @yelenabel0vaswife @ohmydamgods @jordannfields @amy-writes-blog @muted-mayham @dreamerball @earthtokace @thehighladyofday @lala-llama123 @tootsdoll @slytherindaughterofposeidon0 @black-rose-29 @somekidnamedkai @possiblylostchasecousin @hamdehlesmis @cami05sworld @does-anyone-hear-me @sol-the-salmon

if your username is bolded that means i can’t tag you ! you probably have your visibility settings on!

[marimo-o]

ok so im making a long ass post about Abzu (the game) within the context of mesopotamian mythology because I'm insane. It's gonna be a doozy and likely incomprehensible so <3 below the cut it goes! There's gonna be TONS of spoilers for the game, and, like, I guess for the mesopotamian creation epic, so. Play Abzu if you haven't and if you wanna read the Enuma Elish that's also cool. Good for u

(a note from afterwards: it's long. like, REALLY fucking long, holy shit. if you actually want to read the whole thing, be. prepared or something idk take breaks! the last two paragraphs (i know they're walls of text pls bear with me) contain most of the important information. like, the final hurrah of my brain after working on this for multiple hours! So if u wanna save time and avoid some of the redundancy, just skip to those last two <3)

So "Abzu" referred to two things; the fresh water people got from underground aquifers (also as the void-sea which was underneath the Sumerian underworld, Kur), and the deity; he only appeared in the creation story, Enuma Elish, because a big part of that whole thing was that oh no! He dies! And that's also a thing I'm gonna touch on (sorry about the lack of accent marks in advance, it's not available on my current keyboard^ ^;)

I'm gonna start off with a brief tale of what happened with Abzu the deity, and then move onto how both the deity and the concept relate to the game!

So like I mentioned, Abzu the deity only really appears in the creation myth. The story goes that the Primordial Soup divided into two beings, with Abzu representing the freshwater and Tiamat being the saltwater. They were married, and together birthed some of the first formative gods! Some of these gods, jealous of Abzu's power convinced Tiamat to kill him (or, I thought it was started by Tiamat growing resentful of the younger gods, one of those). Either way, Abzu was killed, and Tiamat ended up lashing out, creating the first "dragons", or perhaps becoming one herself; with "poison instead of blood". She is killed by Marduk, the god of storms and the child of Enki (one of the first gods created by Abzu and Tiamat), and from her body the heavens and the earth are formed. Imagine getting killed by ur grandson lol cringe /j

Now! The waters itself! This also brings Enki into the equation, who kinda took over as god of the waters in place of his dead father. He's also the god of creation, intelligence, crafts, mischief, and more! Very important guy.

Abzu refers to both the groundwater reservoirs that people depended on for both accessible clean water and for some agricultural work, and also to the void-sea beneath the underworld, where it is said that Enki rests. He had a temple at Eridu, a now-ruined city, and I remember hearing somewhere that he lived in a temple in an underground aquifer? But I can't find wherever I read that anymore so don't take my word for it. Anyway, the basics of Enki as a deity is: child of Tiamat and Abzu, widely worshipped in his time, god of the waters, generally a cool and important dude.

And now. Finally. We move onto the game. My head hurts.

So, for a quick (post-writing: lol it's not quick) overview of the game; you play as a funny little diver, who woke up in the middle of the ocean and, as the player, are given no clues as to who or what you are. You explore through the ocean levels peacefully at first, and with the guidance of a scarred shark (painted as a bit of an antagonist at first with the audio cues) you make your way to wells at the bottom-center of each level that revitalize the space around them; as they progress, many levels start out as barren, empty landscapes that give you a foreboding, nervous feeling going in, before using an energy from yourself to rekindle the life. Huge coral growths, seaweed, and a myriad of ocean animals spring to life. The player character can also ride on the sides of the bigger ones! The game also puts a big stress on unity between yourself and the environment; there's not a whole lot you can physically interact with, but you can play with the animals there and, like I said before, ride on some of the larger animals. There are also "meditation spots", statues where you can sit and explore the wildlife from more of their point of view, able to follow them seamlessly and see what the different kinds of fish and such are called. It's a calming experience, and really the most interaction you get with some of the more timid animals, letting you still see them up close even if you can't get there as the player character.

The story of the game is told via writings on the walls, which you can light up and access by solving small puzzles regarding connecting reservoirs of glowing waters, similar to that of the almost cosmic area you go to between levels; one thing I read described it as a kind of "rebirth area", which I can definitely see hehe!

At the end of the game, you've held the shark in its dying moments, you've discovered a strange factory that builds the weird triangular prisms that deliver anything that touches them a shock, the little flashlight dudes that you've found over the levels, and little divers that uncannily resemble yourself, and you've seen yourself disassembled to your funny little mechanical skeleton, weak and slow as you try to walk on land, before you are rebirthed from the void-cosmic-water area once again, fully yourself. There's a wonderful ending sequence where you swim through all these rivers, bringing life with you as you go, with the shark once again by your side. The whole game, you saw no land when you poked your head above water, just miles and miles of water, but you've travelled far enough to reach a reservoir. You cut the chains to a central triangular prism, and it grows over with moss. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it, really, it feels like such a... grand gesture as you play through it. It feels personal.

Okay. Theory time. Finally, we're getting into the meat of it. Fucking hell.

So, imagine that you are this being. You're wandering an oceanic wonderland, observing and caring for what you need to, doing as any good little diver should. After a bit of poking around, you discover the start of the engravings on the walls; they tell the story of the people that were here before you, who built these temples and halls and used, or at least stored, the strange blue glowing "water" that you connect and move. It's a water of life, of sorts, one that they truly valued. You come to an impasse between areas, and this massive, scarred-up shark cuts in front of you. You're gonna stay hidden, that thing is terrifying! You try not to move. It doesn't spot you, or at least doesn't move to attack you. However, once it's safely out of view, you do follow it, and it leads you to a dark, desolate, empty chamber. This is wrong, you think to yourself. This isn't how it should be. There's a well, towards the bottom, and you approach it, taking... a fragment of light, from your chest, and imbuing that spark of life into the well. And, lo and behold, that intuition proved helpful, because the world around you springs back to life. Congratulations! You did it! And you continue to, as you work past puzzles and challenges and the appearance of these strange triangular mechanisms, that shock you when you get too close. These people worshipped a shark, as well, likely the same as the one you saw; the guide, now old and scarred, that brings you to where that spark is needed. Even later in the game, you see depictions of the triangular mechanisms, at first heralded as a positive, before these things are found to be the reason for this society's collapse. As if that wasn't perplexing enough, you see a depiction of a being that appears suspiciously similar to yourself, once again treated with reverence from the past civilization. In their hand is a ball of light, similar to the one shown when you revitalize the oceanic chambers. Well, that's certainly odd, you think to yourself. Perhaps this was a being that postponed the death of the civilization, or first allowed for those small chambers of life to exist in captivity instead of the open, natural landscapes you explored at the start. Regardless, it's now a relic of something long gone; but it still gives you something to think about. Later on, that strange coincidence of your similarities to that person are explained; you find a manufacturing plant, full of the vicious triangular mechanisms in each tight hallway, and right at the center of it all... multiple iterations of yourself, running down an assembly line, a spark not unlike what you saw before imbued into each of them. My, look at that; you've been responsible for part of this destruction all along, haven't you? Borne from that same ill that has been forcibly removing that spark from each of the places you've gone to. A bit inconsiderate of you, no? And yet... look at all the good you've done. You've rebirthed, revitalized, purified these ocean fragments, is that not enough? You are the keeper of these waters, regardless of the evil you had come from, despite the terrifying empty things may have reverted to. You, who trusted and followed the shark that seemed so scary at first. You, who followed it as it tried to attack a source of the evil, of the thing that was draining the oceans of their life. You, who held and comforted that shark as it lay dying, despite any fear you may have had. You, who attempted to traverse a minefield of those triangular machines, shocked over and over again and at the final moment, unable to make it to the finish line. You, who was rebirthed in full regardless by the oceans you'd cared for, by the void-sea you always returned to, to rest. You, who traversed a now-ruined citadel, temple, all of which had been flooded and had been dedicated to you. You, who brought life with you.

I hope you see what I'm getting at here. You're serving as a figure not unlike Enki, god and guardian of the waters. In the wake of Abzu, the avatar of the fresh waters, now confined to irrigation canals so as not to kill the younger gods, Tiamat lashes out. Her husband is dead, as far as she is concerned, and she goes to those younger gods to seek her revenge. The dragon, that which sucked the life from the seas and poisoned the waters. That which Marduk killed, to carve new life from. I would say that the shark is Marduk, even; given how the shark is the only one who is openly on the offense to those mechanisms, and who comes in at the endgame to finish them off, bringing new life with it. Even in how it all shapes up with the civilization before, in connection to the constructs; Tiamat was the mother of all in existence at that time. She was surely loved; but she turned hostile and violent. She could no longer be safely loved. And Abzu, both the glowing water we use to open doors and the light that we hold and the deep void-sea we enter between levels and father to all in existence, he was confined to small canals and reservoirs and put in a deep sleep so that he would not kill his own children. And by you, no less. Enki put him there. That is why you can use that water from the start; you lived in the Abzu, you came from it, and each time, that is where you return. That temple, now submerged and decrepit, is Eridu; the place where Enki was most worshipped. The other diver clones are the other gods, or perhaps the "dragons", now, that Tiamat had mothered. The smaller prisms definitely count in that "dragon" category; purely harmful beings that seek to destroy life. And in the end, indeed, you restore life; you and your son, upon killing Tiamat, return life to the world from her body. Perhaps you could not save those who once worshipped you, perhaps those structures will forever be in ruin. But there is no more danger, now; there is space to build and replenish. There is space to grow.

Fuck ok that was long as hell. Hi if u made it this far i love u. god fucking damn im never writing anything again after this. it took about as long as a full playthrough of the game, coincidentally!!

[pillage-and-lute]

Hey there!! First off wanted to say I love your writing, especially how you portray autistic Geralt, it is very relatable and makes me feel happy!! I just had a thought, what if one of the reasons Geralt doesn’t speak much is bc he has a hard time controlling his volume levels?? I struggle a lot with that, and it’s an autistic trait that isn’t talked abt much, but I think it would fit him!! Idk just thought you’d like to hear the idea haha. 💛 an autistic anon

Hi Anon!

I love this, I didn’t know volume control was an autism thing too, I struggle with it with my ADHD. Geralt absolutely has this.

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It had been okay as a little kid, lots of other kids were loud, Geralt knew. But then, during training, he got some looks sometimes, he said something too loud and those that had passed the trials gave him black looks, his voice ringing in mutated ears. 

It mostly happened when he got excited, and the things he got excited about were monsters and their lore, which meant he was too loud a lot. 

Eskel helped him. Other people yelled or told him off, Eskel just helped him train his volume a little, so he could keep it in check. It was nice, too, because others would have tried to train the loudness out of him entirely, Eskel just wanted him safe when a loud voice could get him killed, accepting the volume otherwise as just part of Geralt.

In the real world, post trials, however, no one was nice like Eskel. A loud witcher was dangerous, fightening, a threat. No one wanted witchers to speak anway, so Geralt bit his tongue and gritted his teeth and kept quiet.

Quiet was important now too. Before Geralt had been easily overwhelmed when the world was too much, but with freshly, raw nerve senses it was too much all the time. Sometimes he wanted to sit in a dark cellar somewhere.

So he didn’t talk and mediated to keep out the muchness of the world.

Then along came an idiot bard with a very loud voice, always talking and never leaving. Sometimes his volume would spike and Geralt would wince, sensitive ears protesting, but he never wanted his bard to leave. Geralt had precious few friends, even if the word never crossed his lips.

When he winced, though, Jaskier would carefully adjust his volume. Someone had taught him, Geralt could tell. Someone like Eskel had coaxed volume control into Jaskier, but when the bard was excited he got louder. It had been years since the trials, decades, and Geralt had gotten used to noise somewhat, so the bard wasn’t always too much. He was grateful for the companionship.

Then, slowly, Jaskier drew volume out of Geralt. The habits of a couple decades crumbled under careful persistance and Geralt chatted happily, volume raising as he went on about various venoms and monster classification. Instead of putting off the bard, Jaskier seemed fascinated, eyes wide and little charcoal pencil a blur. 

His songs got much more accurate too, and he never minded Geralt being loud, even if birds flew from the bushes nearest. 

Cities were still too much, and Jaskier lowered his volume carefully, trying not to contribute to the everything that agonized Geralt so much. Then, in one such city, he handed Geralt a parcel wrapped in wax paper rather bashfully. 

“It’s enchanted beeswax,” he said in a near whisper, the only sound in their darkened room. “A mage enchanted it for me, if you put a little in your ears it can block the sound.” 

Geralt tried it and the world around him stopped. It was like water in a desert. He thanked Jaskier, and he was sure his voice came out much too loudly, practically booming in the little room, but Jaskier threw his head back and laughed, then gave a thumbs up. 

Silence could be nice, Geralt thought, slipping into meditation. But maybe he didn’t always have to be silent, not with a friend around.

[whatifxwereyou]

Ashes Chapter 5: The Three Day Hike

Pairing: Liu Kang x Reader

Oh, what was that you said about progress? Liu reveals what you could only guess and you reveal a deep secret that's been eating you alive. It doesn't go well.

A/N: I love writing you yelling at each other and then having deep emotional baggage moments Lol. I also just love angst, idk. I just do. It's fun to make characters hurt! Hope you guys are doing well. Smooches. As always, open to suggestions for nonsense.

First Chapter << Previous Chapter Next Chapter >> Chapter Index

A wall of shadow rose into the heavens above, melting into the clouds, and spreading darkness like ink through veins. Red light shone through the gaps in the clouds and the ground began to freeze before your feet. Kung Lao’s face was just before yours. His familiar long face, broad jaw, worry in his dark eyes, all things you missed so desperately. You touched his cheek and his skin turned gray beneath your fingertips.

“Wake up, Y/N.” He begged you and your fingers froze. Ice crackled over your palm and spread up your arm. “Please.” He grabbed your shoulders and you gasped at the feeling of cold in your chest, sudden and violent. Shutting your eyes tight you tried to breathe but when you opened them, you were in the little cabin, tucked neatly into bed, the bag with Kung Lao’s trinket in your arms.

You were alone in the cabin and trembling, so you pulled the bag closer to comfort you. A nightmare, of course. You’d had them a thousand times since he’d died but this felt different. Your hands were stained with ink and that worried you too. Kung Lao had been so desperate to wake you up and the imagery had been so obscure and yet specific. You’d suffered a curse of visions once, but Raiden had helped you through it. It had been worse when you were a kid but back then it had disappeared after a few years too. You’d grown out of it.

This hadn’t been a vision, right? Not in any way that you could interpret. It was just you missing Kung Lao and feeling guilty for living without him. Probably feeling guilty for sleeping with Liu Kang. And feeling guilty for making it harder on him.

Guilt. That was to blame.

You got ready for the day and slung your bag over your shoulder and stepped outside the cabin. The sun was shining and it was unseasonably warm. Liu Kang sat near the door in the grass meditating. That was much more like the Liu Kang you were used to. You smiled. Maybe today wouldn’t be so bad. Last night had been nice. Even a little comforting.

“They offered us supplies for the hike. We should grab some before we go. Food at least.” You greeted him and he heaved an annoyed sigh and looked to you as if frustrated that you’d interrupted him. “Sorry-“

“I’m good.”

“…but it’s a… three… day….” You began and he returned to his meditation without hearing you out. Never mind. Bitchy Liu Kang was back. So much for that. You bit you tongue and decided it best to leave him be. There was no point in fighting so early in the morning. You were too shaky from your nightmare and had bigger things to think about than hot and cold Liu Kang. It was like he’d borrowed Kung Lao’s ego to make up for the loss of his brother. “Fine.” You went on your way. If he wanted to be a moron about it, then you would let him be a moron.

Once away from the intoxicating stink of Liu Kang, you felt much better. The people of the village were exceedingly kind and generous. You took only what you thought you would need for your journey and a day’s extra just in case something went wrong. Both you and Liu were resourceful so if you got into a pinch, you would manage. He’d trained his whole life for survival, and you’d gotten pretty good at it since coming to Raiden’s Temple.

You packed up the supplies and then thanked them again for their hospitality before heading out of town with Liu who was silent the whole time. He didn’t even say goodbye. It was going to be a long hike if he continued like this. You wished that Raiden would have just sent you alone. He had the foresight to know that it would be uncomfortable. Then again, you weren’t sure just how much Raiden knew of your complicated history. He was a god, what was he aware of? You didn’t know and you didn’t want to ask. You did kind of want to shake him and cry though.

Liu was infuriating for the rest of the day as if he were making up for being nice the night before. You’d fought about every crossroad. Fought about when to eat. When to sleep. When to take a break. What kind of tree was on the hill. Everything. Every time one of you opened your mouths it was a fight. He couldn’t be blamed for all of the annoying arguments. You were annoyed too and every so often you caught yourself saying things that you hadn’t meant to say in a tone that was far harsher than you’d meant it to be. You supposed one good conversation wouldn’t eliminate two months of snippiness and one wild night of passionate lovemaking gone wrong.

You tried to remind yourself that Raiden had known you were both grieving and had probably hoped that you would work through some of your grief together. You could picture him saying it. But you also could have strangled him by the end of that first day. On the second morning, you’d meditated on it and decided to focus on patience. You would try to listen to Liu Kang’s suggestions and come to an agreement with him rather than argue with him. But that only worked if Liu wasn’t picking a fight with you. Which he was. He was absolutely picking fights with you. Why was beyond you.

By the second night you were out of patience and had no grace left to deal with him. You had agreed upon a path that morning and he was changing it for the fifteenth time that day. You were tired. The more tired you became, the more aggressive he did. His attitude had drained you and so had the hike. So had the fighting. “If we go up this path then we can shave off some time.”

“Or we could get stuck again and end up backtracking for six hours and since you wouldn’t come with me to get supplies, we’ll run out. Then we’ll have to forage and waste even more time. Is it so much to ask that we just stick to the damn plan?” You were snippy again but tried to check your tone by the time you’d finished speaking.

“You can do whatever you want. I’m going this way.”

That was the problem. Your fighting was less like fighting and more him just being stubborn and obnoxious. You threw your bag down and marched in front of him to stop him from walking. That was it. The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. “What is your problem? What is going on with you?” He was taken aback, surprised by your harsh tone. “I get it, Liu. You’re grieving. But you know what? I’m grieving too and your attitude the last couple of days? It’s absurd. You’re being a child. A petulant brat. Here I thought we’d made some headway and then you double down on being a bastard. You have to argue about every single thing. Every single decision is a fight! Then when I’m right you just don’t listen to me! You march off and do your own thing, which would be fine if you were alone or in charge. But you’re not either of those things.”

“Y/N, I…” He was stiff. Rigid.

“It’s exhausting! You are exhausting me! So, please, enlighten me and tell me why it is that you insist on being this exhausting! Why do you keep belittling me and then going out of your way to make this journey so much harder than it already is? We used to be a good team, I thought. We talked, I thought. You even kind of look at me with a little pity before you just…” You clasped your fists and let out a sound of frustration and then felt the blood pressure in your head as you finally breathed. Oops.

Liu was looking down at you, jaw clenched and you expected him to yell at you and correct you on what you thought like he’d done all those years ago when you’d been sleeping together. Your heart raced again as he looked you over.

“Every time I look at you, I see how hurt you are. How much worse I make it.”

You swore steam was coming out of your ears.

“How the fuck is you being an asshole helping any of that?”

“Maybe it’s easier for me to be mean. To argue with you. Maybe it’s better than watching you suffer for the same reasons I’m suffering on top of losing my best friend. And having to remember that I lost you to him in the first place.”

“Oh, don’t you dare.”

“Then thinking about the other night and…”

“Liu, I swear. Don’t do this shit. Don’t. Just don’t.” You pointed an angry and accusatory finger at him and tapped his chest with each of your next words. “Don’t turn this into that. Don’t.”

“You’re the one who got all high and mighty and asked why. I answered.”

“I came to you.” You had not expected to have this conversation with Liu in the middle of the woods or really ever. “I came to you before I gave him an answer. Don’t you dare make me feel guilty about that. I gave you a chance and you were a complete dick. Like wildly…. A dick!” You stuttered in frustration.

“I was a dick, huh?” He laughed in disbelief, rubbed his hand over his jaw, then walked away from you. He returned and pointed at you and then with a smack of his lips he threw his hand in the air as if to say fuck it. “Kung Lao came to me before you did. So yeah, I was a dick.”

“Excuse me?” You did a double take. What was that supposed to mean? Some of your anger deflated.

“Kung Lao… came to me… before… you… did.” He spoke slowly as though you’d had trouble understanding what he’d said. You could have smacked him right in the mouth. “He was already head over heels for you. How was I supposed to compete with that? Asked me if I was working up to something with you since you hesitated to tell him yes. I was honest… to an extent. Didn’t tell him that we’d already been there and done that for months.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. He was asking to be slapped. Just the way he chose his words and the bite that he spoke them with. It took every bit of your restraint not to just smack him to shut him up.

“I told him I was attracted to you and I’d been thinking about it. Kung Lao asked me to step aside because he thought he could love you.” Liu deflated a little too. The anger he’d built had petered out. Talking about Kung Lao drained him. You were still mad but also shocked. You were lost between being floored by this revelation and furious with his behavior. “So, I did, Y/N. I stepped aside.”

“And you had to be a real dick about it, huh?”

“Yeah. That’s why I was a dick. I watched that one conversation completely destroy our entire relationship. Our friendship.” Liu shrugged and looked suddenly exhausted. “Kung Lao deserved you more than I did. He was ready to jump in headfirst and I was just… nailing you.” He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and looked away from you but there was something smug about the way he phrased it. Then it was silent.

Where did you begin. Surprised? Confused? Hurt? Speechless? He’d crushed you. You’d thought that you’d had something tremendous and then he had made you feel cheap and worthless. You hated this conversation. You just wanted to be mad and move on. Accept that this wasn’t working and deal with it civilly. But the reasons it wasn’t working were too complicated. “You really hurt me.” You managed but your voice cracked and betrayed you. You were mad, dammit! Don’t cry, brain! You wanted to stomp off yelling about how he had some nerve dragging this baggage into the middle of a three-day hike, but you didn’t.

“It hurt me too, believe it or not.”

This couldn’t have gone worse. You supposed it actually could have but it felt pretty bad. To find out that it had been a lie after years of repeating it in your head? You were devastated. And you had to let it go. You didn’t know what would have happened if Liu had asked you to stay with him instead of being with Kung Lao and it hurt too much to theorize because that wasn’t what had happened. You loved Kung Lao. Your relationship had been far different than the one you’d had with Liu Kang, but you’d loved him nonetheless.

“I…” You began when you realized he was waiting for you to say something, almost desperately and that he had taken a step closer and invaded your personal space. “I’m sorry.” You were though you weren’t immediately sure what for. You just knew you were sorry. Sorry that you’d brought it up. Sorry that it had come to this. “That it wound up like this. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.” Liu looked past you. “You and Kung Lao were happy for a time.”

“And what about you?”

“Does that matter?”

“Of course, it matters. We were friends first. Even when I was with Lao we were eventually close again.”

“Yeah, well, I was pissed at first. Mad at you. Mad at him.” He turned his gaze back to yours and dared to step closer which made you instantly on alert. It was obvious now that this had been on his mind for some time. You hadn’t considered yourself that important. There had been plenty of moments where things between you had been unsaid. You had never known and had no right to his innermost thoughts. That attraction had never burnt out. Even now, you were torn between smacking him and throwing your arms around him. “With time I realized that all I wanted was for you to be happy. You were happy, right?”

That was a probing question and you hated it. You meant to say yes. You had been happy, but instead you hesitated. Had you been? Of course, not all the time and things had been difficult the past few months, but Kung Lao’s memory was one that you would always cherish as having been happy. “Yeah. Yes.”

That had sounded terrible and forced.

Shit.

You walked away from him and sat down next to where you’d set your bag, defeated. Liu stood awkwardly before tapping a finger against his leg as if deciding if he wanted to pursue this conversation or return to the uncooperative mess that he’d been before. He sat next to you, leaving almost no gap between you. You were either going to have to remind him of your personal boundaries or get used to him being close.

“What does that mean?”

“It doesn’t mean anything, Liu.”

“You hesitated like… in a really big way. Weren’t you happy?” He was watching you but when you turned to look at him, he turned away.

“I love…” You hadn’t gotten used to the change in tenses yet. It was painful to misspeak. “I loved Kung Lao, but we were in a weird place before this and I… I don’t know what would have happened. I can’t pretend I do. We fought a lot these last few months over stupid things. Over big things. Over nothing.” You teared up but fought it back. You were not going to cry in front of Liu Kang after he had been a complete ass for two days straight. “And then he died, Liu. And finding out was like losing a part of myself. Something I’ll never get back and must learn to live without. I don’t know what would have happened because that chance was stolen from me. And I won’t complain about it. I won’t… because you lost your brother and I lost… a boyfriend and there’s no comparison.” You hesitated on the words, and you hated that you were struggling to breathe out of your nose. “We’d been together for years but…” You drifted off. The guilt was too much. Did he really expect you to air all of your dirty laundry to him? And why were you? He’d been such a dick.

“But what?”

“I don’t want to say.”

“Did you do something bad?”

“That’s relative.”

“I can help be a deciding factor on that if you like.” He half-heartedly joked but even as he did, he groaned in frustration and ran his fingers through his hair. Then he rested his hand on your arm. “But what, Y/N?”

“I think I might hate you right now.”

“Don’t deflect.”

“Kung Lao proposed.” You hadn’t told anyone that. There was too much guilt for how it had happened. “Right before I left to run that errand.” Liu Kang shook his head as though you had doused him in cold water. “I told him no, not yet. I turned him down. I told him that we would talk more about it when I got back.” The guilt of turning him down and then having him wind up dead was unbearable. “I will live with that guilt forever. The look on his face when I didn’t jump for joy when he got down on one knee with a ring… oh I’ll never forget it.” You shook the image out of your head. You’d had nightmares about it on repeat. You should have just said yes and pretended it was a dream come true. That would have made him happy.

“I’m…” Liu Kang rubbed his temples then started again. “Why didn’t you say yes?”

“I meant what I said. We weren’t ready. We fought literally all the time. We had no clear vision of what our future looked like. We’d never talked about marriage or families or anything like that. On top of that, we were in a weird place. The tournament was coming and I… commitment makes me kind of itchy, you know? I felt like a villain, Liu. I feel like a villain. He just wanted to love me and tease me and be loved by me. That was it. It wasn’t more complicated than that for him.” You were proud of yourself for not breaking down into a sobbing puddle as you spoke. “And he died not knowing any of the reasons that I told him ‘not yet’. He died before we got to figure it out. That was all I wanted. Was time to figure it out. Time for us to just be and to figure out if it was right for us.”

“And now there’s no time.”

“Yeah.” You couldn’t help it. You were going to cry. You closed your eyes and allowed the tears to gather and tried to keep them from falling. Liu was quiet and contemplative next to you. You’d both thrown huge revelations at each other. It was a lot to process.

You felt like a monster.

“You would have married him, huh?” Liu broke the silence, somewhat bravely you thought.

“I have no idea what I would have done because he’s gone and I’m alone.”

“You would have made him a very happy man.”

“Maybe. Even if I had, I don’t know if it would have made me happy and that kills me.”

“Yeah, that’s the tricky part, I guess.” Liu leaned his elbows on his knees. “You would have done it.”

“Bold of you to assume after everything.”

“I know you. You’re a people pleaser, Y/N.”

“Excuse me?”

“Come on. You always folded when you and Kung Lao fought. Even with the big stuff, you just rolled over and let him have his way.”

“I am not arguing with you about this again especially not after losing him.” You’d had this fight before. Liu Kang had always tried to keep you from folding and stick to your guns. You had refused to talk to him about the personal stuff with Kung Lao but somehow Liu had always known when you were upset and managed to get it out of you. He’d always been there, you’d realized.

Guilt.

“If I had known it would end the way it did then I never would have once complained. I would have just made him happy for as long as I could.”

“So, what, only he got to be happy? You’re being ridiculous.”

“Liu Kang! I was happy!” You stared at him aghast. You had been happy. Most of your relationship had been incredibly happy. You’d fought and you’d been hurt sometimes, but that was normal.

“Yeah, except you weren’t sure if you were which is why you hesitated, right? That’s the real reason you turned him down.” There was that snippy tone again and you stiffened up as he grabbed your arm to turn you toward him. “At least have the guts to admit it, Y/N. Don’t fool yourself and definitely don’t try to fool me.”

“Fuck you, Liu.” You pulled your arm free.

“Yeah, that was probably part of the problem too, wasn’t it?”

You smacked him across the face and hard, then pulled your hand back to your chest, surprised you’d done it. He rubbed his jaw that immediately turned red and turned his gaze away from you, nodding his head slowly.

“I deserved that.”

You picked up your bag and walked away from him. You didn’t need this. You didn’t need him rubbing your failures and guilt in your face. You didn’t need him taking his complicated feelings and burying you in them. You didn’t need him making you second guess yourself. Kung Lao was dead. You wouldn’t dishonor his memory with this crap.

You weren’t sure how long you marched away for, but it had been long enough. Leaning your head back, you breathed, and fought tears that you knew you should just let out but god dammit, if Liu Kang followed you and found you crying then you would be furious. The last thing you wanted was his comfort right now. Besides, every time you got close like that you ended up naked and you couldn’t emotionally do that right now!

His comfort was double sided with guilt. There was no comfort for you like this. You leaned against a tree and held your bag close and closed your eyes. Sometime later, Liu Kang joined you but he didn’t try to talk to you even if you could feel him watching you. It took ages but you finally fell asleep, angrily holding your bag against your chest.

Next Chapter >>

[peach-the-owl]

How about a Vox Machina one where the reader is generally the go to comfort person of the group? Maybe it's emotional or physical comfort, but everyone eventually has laid their head on their lap, stomach, shoulder, or leg. Just general caduceus vibes coming from the reader! She could even be a firbolg or tabaxi.

I think everyone needs a Caduceus in their life...

Idk if this turned out well, fingers crossed it did, idk I feel a little out of practice

It's My Pleasure

Vox Machina & Tabaxi!Reader (Platonic)

I feel this format works the best for this scenario so each member has a more personal one on one moment (does that make sense?)

Pike

She was the first to warm up to you, you both being similar in wanting to help and protect the party though Pike couldn’t always stick around. When she is around the two of you usually like spending some time together with her sitting in your lap while you help fix up her hair, carefully combing your hands though her white locks a few hair ties in hand.

"Sometimes I envy you." She says out of the blue one day, you let out a soft hum of acknowledgment and let her continue. "You get to be there for them, helping everyone while I run off to fulfil my duties to Sarenrae. There’s so much I have to do and figure out but I also so badly want to help, it just… it can be a lot sometimes." She lets out a soft sigh. You pause in your actions and think about her words for a moment.

"Do you dislike it?" You question.

"What? No, of course not. I have great faith in the path put before me." You chuckle lightly at her defensiveness.

"Then why envy me? Just because you aren’t always here with us doesn’t mean you're not helping. As far as I can see we all have our roles to play in the grand scheme of things. Sure, there are things I can do which you might not, but there are also things that only you can achieve that I certainly could never do. I could never replace you and what you mean to everyone, and I'd never want to." You finally resume your actions, finishing up with fixing her hair into neat little buns. "I hope your hair is to your liking." You quickly add handing over a mirror. She takes it and looks herself over before placing the mirror back down, looking up at you with a smile and giving you a hug.

"It’s perfect. Thank you, for everything… I really needed that talk. We should do this more often." You look down at her and return the smile and hug with a soft purr.

"It'd be my pleasure."

Keyleth

She had a charming awkwardness to her or at least that’s what you'd call it but even so you always welcomed any conversation with her no matter how strange they may be sometimes. Evenings seemed to be the time you’d have these conversations the most, taking in the cool air and overall unwinding from a long day. Today brought in something different when your ears flit around to catch the faint sound of footfalls making there way over to your location, turning to see Keyleth halt in her steps, you give her a kind smile.

"Care to join me, there’s plenty of room." You scoot over slightly and pat the ground next to you, accepting the offer she shuffles over and sits down. Neither of you say anything at first, just watching as the stars awaken and twinkle in the sky accompanied by crickets chirping their nightly sonata making for a serene atmosphere. You look over at Keyleth seeing a saddened expression drawn on her face, a slight gloss over her eyes. "Troubled?" You ask with a quiet voice.

"I uhh, I guess." She sighs, you move closer to her and she automatically leans her head against your shoulder, being mindful of the antlers.

"Care to talk about it?" You throw an arm around her shoulder and give her a few gentle back rubs. She takes a second and lets out a some puffs of air, you could feel her body tremble a little.

"What if I’m not cut out for this." She finally says. You turn your head slightly to look at her and she stares back a second before looking away again and continuing. "Becoming headmaster of the Air Ashari I mean." Doubt weighed heavily in her voice.

"You are a strong individual with a stubborn yet admirable determination when you set your heart and mind to something, perhaps not every plan works out in the end but you always have the interest of others in mind. Traits like that are well needed for a good leader." You reassure. She shifts in her position to wipe away any tears that were starting to fall with her arm.

"I just- I don’t know if I can really do this, my mother never returned and I’m not like my father." Before she can continue you turn your body and get a firm grip on her shoulders making her pause and finally look at you.

"Keyleth," the sudden firmness in your voice surprised her. "You're right, you are not your father nor are you your mother, the only person you can be is yourself and that is what makes you great. That’s what we all love about you, all of us here with you love you because you’re no one else but yourself. Stubborn, quirky awkwardness and all." When you finish your little speech you take a moment to let your words sink in for her. She stares at you stunned, the tears start trailing down her face again as it all sets in and she quickly embraces you with a soft sob, you return the gesture giving her a chance to let out all she’d been holding back.

"I never wanted this." She breaths, hiccuping through her words a little, sounding more muffled from leaning into your shoulder. You get the feeling she didn’t intend for that to be said aloud when she speaks again, more clearly this time. "You say it like that’ll make this easy."

"I know it won’t be, it’s a long, rough road ahead but you have to remember we’re all here for you every step of the way." You stay in the hug for a few minutes you soothingly comb your fingers through her hair until Keyleth finally lets go, signalling you to do the same.

"I think I feel a little better now. Did you still want to talk about something else?" She asks almost nervously making you chuckle softly.

"Of course, it’s always a pleasure to talk with you."

Vex

It took a while before Vex eventually started to warm up to you and give you her trust, not that you were surprised by this, but your calming presents brought in an ease where she could let down her guard without having to worry about being questioned for it, usually joining you while you meditated. You were always fine in letting her use you as a sort of backrest while she tried to come back down from whatever problems she may be going through, hearing her heavy breaths slowly start to calm into steady ones. What usually happens is she’d press her weight against your back, head resting between your shoulder blades with a light thud, you always take a quick peek over your shoulder to see her in a rather tense state, she shifts her gaze at you and you give her a warm smile before returning to your meditation. The silence brings a solace to the atmosphere, never feeling awkward between the two of you, only her heavy breaths being heard as you patiently wait for when or if she was ready to talk, gently wrapping your tail around her waist as support but not trapping her in place.

Most of the time you've well finished your needed meditation but even still decide not to move, just acting as support for your friend. Finally she shifts over making you remove your tail and giving you a chance to stretch your muscles a little. This time she comes around and sits herself in front of you, her eyes showing the broken girl deep down that wanted to say something her voice didn’t want to comply to speaking aloud, the both of you just sharing in a silent conversation by watching the other. You could see so much running though those eyes of someone who grew up with so little, in return you show gentle patience and kind reassurance. You’re surprised by the sudden feeling of her weight on you again, leaning against your shoulder for comfort. She’s never really been this vulnerable with you before, or at the very least didn’t show it often but you weren’t going to say anything about it, instead placing a hand on her back and giving a few pats before keeping it there. Sure not single word had been uttered the entire time but sometimes you don’t need words to express your thoughts.

"I-… Thank you." She says slowly, finally breaking the silence. You remove your hand and stand up properly, giving a small nod and smile.

"It was my pleasure."

Vax

It was a little surprising to you how much quicker Vax was to warm up to and trust you compared to his sister, your calm presents and well understanding of life and death really helping ease his nerves when he traded his life for his sisters to the Raven Queen. The two of you would have talks on rooftops often as a way to hold such deep conversations away from the others.

"I made the right choice, didn’t I?" It was a bit of an odd conversation starter, coming out of nowhere but you were used to that by this point.

"You saved your sisters life and didn’t you say before that you feel you may have finally found your purpose, if I were in your place I would’ve done the same." You say looking over at him, his eyes trained on the horizon for a moment before meeting yours.

"You’d do the same? But you already have a place and purpose in the world." He seemed surprised by your quick resolve, you shake your head with a small hum.

"Let me ask you something. If you only had one year to left to live what would you do? Would you sit on the thought and let it fester into fear and sorrow? Or would you make the most of every moment you've got, leaving your mark on the world with no regrets." He sits back a bit more, thinking over your question.

"Well of course I'd want to make the most of everything and leave with no regrets."

"Precisely, the choices we made are in the past now so we need to make the most of what we have here and now because everything will eventually come to an end, it’s what we do with our remaining time that really counts."

"You make a very compelling point… It’s very late, care to grab a drink?" You hold back a laugh at the sudden change in subject but nod.

"Of course, always a pleasure."

Grog

There really isn’t much to say about Grog, he's like a soft teddy bear deep down if you’re good friends with him and that’s about all there is to it. Though he does enjoy a nice hug from time to time from the "little kitty" as he liked to call you and you weren’t one to complain, so long as he isn’t accidentally crunching you with his immense strength. As for conversations, well there aren’t many and if there is they certainly aren’t anything thought provoking, again not that you’d complain. You liked his simplicity and needs for hugs whenever he wanted one, it's quite a pleasure to just spend time in one another’s company.

(I know this one's shorter but it’s Grog what else can one expect.)

Percy

Often quiet and giving a cold shoulder is what you came to accept from Percy for a while, you could easily tell the man had been through a lot in the past and still suffered from it in the present. However one odd encounter really changed that, finally letting him open up to you and strengthen the bond you shared…

Castle Whitestone, finally free from the Briarwoods grasp, could be a little tricky to navigate if you didn’t know what you were doing, which you didn't but you were following a sound you’d heard, letting your ears flit this way and that to see if you could pick up the sound again. This leads you to stumble upon an old and seemingly forgotten storage room. Letting the curious nature in you take hold you enter the dusty room seeing Percy of all people had also found his way here before you and was staring at something. Getting a closer look, you see that it’s an old portrait of his family, a bit torn in places but still well enough intact. Percy raises his hand and places it on the painting then balls his hand into a fist, looking ready to punch something, his gaze then suddenly shifts and meets with yours. The both of you just stare at each other in a tense feeling silence.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. I’ll just take my leave." You give a slight bow of your head and prepare to turn and leave, stopping when you feel a light grip on your wrist. Turning to face him again you can see that Percy himself wasn’t sure why he just stopped you, his expression too had completely changed from the stone faced man you knew to a broken boy who never got to truly mourn his family. There was only one thing you could think of doing to help as you silently offer your shoulder for him feeling slightly shocked when he actually accepts it, releasing his grip on your wrist to embrace you in this rare moment of solitude and vulnerability between the two of you. Retuning the embrace you stay in place for as long as he needed, letting a more comfortable silence now ease into the room.

"I see why everyone’s easily grown quite comfortable in you’re presents." He finally says with a small chuckle and releasing his grip on you.

"Call it a blessing or curse if you wish but I’m always happy to help." You subtly try and joke, giving a closed-eye smile and unconsciously let out a small purr.

"Perhaps I misjudged you in the past, like everyone else, I do hope we can look past that and start again properly." He sounded hopeful and you were happy to oblige.

"It would be my pleasure."

Scanlan

Always the ever comical one, Scanlan never really felt the need to share much about his personal life openly to anyone but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there. You knew this full well but didn’t feel the need to pressure him into admitting anything, you didn’t have to seeing as he sorta did it to himself unintentionally when he decided to splay himself onto your lap much to your own confusion. Oh well, at least he was still wearing pants this time.

"You know you keep staring at me like you know something." He starts, using his arms to act as a headrest.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. I don’t mean to cause you any discomfort." You apologize before refocusing on the book in your hands. Silence washes in, he stays laying across your lap the entire time before the quiet gets to be too much for him.

"If you really do have something to say, just say it already!" He sounded irritated making you look away from your book once more to stare at him. "See, that’s what I mean! You look like you have something to say so say it and get it over with!" You remain silent and his expression shifts to slight regret. "Uhh… did you have something to say?" He finally questions. You let out a quiet sigh.

"Well that depends," you pause a second and he stares up at you expectantly. "Was there something you wanted to hear?"

"Wait, what?" He shakes his head in confusion before continuing. "No, of course not. I don’t need to hear anything because everything’s just fine. That's it! That’s all it is and that’s all it’ll be. Nobody really cares, I’m just the funny man who plays songs and makes jokes. Why should anyone ask about him or who his mother was before they were killed in front of him by damn goblins! Why would they, it doesn’t matter that’s not why I’m here! It doesn’t matter!… I… I don’t matter." You listen in silence as he goes on, letting his true feelings out alongside some tears, but you listened to all of it until he finally ran out of words letting out small puffs of air.

"What was your mother's name?" He jumps in surprise, somehow having forgotten he was still sitting in your lap and stares up at you, seeing your calm patient eyes stare back.

"Ummm, heh." He gives a halfhearted chuckle while wiping away some tears. "Juniper. Her name was Juniper."

"She sounds like she was a lovely woman, I am terribly sorry for your lose." You place a hand over your heart, bowing your head slightly as a sign of respect.

"She was." He stares off a little before looking back at you with a slightly nervous expression. "So uhhh, you’re not planning on sharing this conversation with anyone else… are you?" You give a light shake of your head.

"Not unless you want me to."

"No no, absolutely not." He jumps in quickly, you give a nod in understanding. "Anyways, I for one have had enough of whatever that was… but uhhh, thank you… for being the first to listen." He gives almost a sigh of relief when he says this, like a large weight had finally been lifted.

"It's my pleasure."